i just read confession number 15891 and it has lead me to update my own confession 15597. if you read both of those confessions, then this one may make some sense to you.

a couple of weeks ago, my dream started to enter into my real life by me "jacking off". sometimes now, well, more like frequently, when i masturbate, i jack off, rather than, just rubbing. this fits in so amazingly well to my dreams of growing a cock and raping a woman. it is by far the most bizarre and kinkiest thoughts i've ever had, and jacking off makes me wildly aroused and has given me the greatest orgasms i've ever experienced.

when my thoughts start, which is frequently, i've learned to just kind of go with it. i start feeling more aggressive and angry. i put on a baseball cap, tee, and a pair of jeans my old bf left when we broke up, then pace around my apartment thinking about finding a woman to rape. i look out my window and if i see a woman out there, my fantasy really gets going. i put my hand on the front of my jeans, rubbing my inner upper right thigh, while standing in the window watching her, and soon my mind has her in the deserted street, and i pull her behind some bushes as she walks by the park. i think of pushing her down, and watching her face as i rip her clothing off. by the time i have her naked, i am ready.

i pull open the jeans and let them fall to the floor and i put my right foot up on the cushion of my chair. my hand presses against my labia and i imagine climbing onto her. by this time i am fully excited and my clit is swollen. i take it between my fingers and when i feel its firmness pressing between my fingers, i imagine my cock pushing into her pussy. it's so wet, i can fuck my hardness between my fingers and imagine it pumping in and out of her.

it doesn't take very long before i orgasm and i think of my cum squirting into her. sometimes, when i'm really into it, i squirt and it really does feel like i am shooting cum into her like a guy would.

i know these are not normal thoughts, but i am having them a lot of the times i am alone now. the aggression is forceful and empowering. i love the way it makes me feel and the way i orgasm from it.

i've still not had any sexual contact with women, but i've ordered a strapon and i know it's only a matter of time. i feel like some kind of sexual predator, and when i'm in my fantasy i feel the excitement running thought every part of my body. it is about being in control and the helplessness of my victim. this is completely opposite of how i am in my normal life. in my sexual fantasy and the approaching reality i want to be, i will be, the one in control.