I was always forced to have sex with older men from a young age. they spear headed me down and cut off ties with younger boys, so I felt undesirable for young men. I hated sex and was too afraid to flirt with young guys as most of them attacked me violently.

bit by bit I felt like I was turning lesbian or bi. then people started cashing in on it. using and misusing my words and actions for their pleasures, that only made me more monstrous.

sexually I craved younger men. they were the complete object of my desires and passions. but I was always pushed out of that circle and forced into the older man circle that I hated. so I hated sex then, while younger woman and older were getting men my age to fuck them. I was so jealous but after an accident I shut down. men never looked at me.

my sister always got the younger men and I always got the old ones. I was always told I was ugly and not good enough. I was too afraid to look at guys.

now I have found someone I like. but if I utter a word and I wronging him by saying it?? when I seen dave it felt good, but like most things I liked it always had a great chance of falling apart.

I still crave the handsome young guy to rescue me.