I realized to late in life that no one liked me. all the relatives I had been nice to only ever abused me. I had spent 29 years in denial about what sort of people they really were. I knew deep down they had ran me down to other people, and always expected too much then I could give and they gave little back. my cousins were violent towards me as a little toddler and viciously cruel with their mouths, terribly judging, labeling, cynical, flippant and arrogant.

I spent most of my teens and twenties looking after other peoples kids and getting little money for it.
I liked children so I didn't mind, but underneath I kept wondering why I was never invited anywhere, why men never asked me out or even look at me and be nice. from the time I was a toddler I was abused regularly.

I never want to see my relatives again. I just hate them so much. THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN. I HATE THEM MORE THEN THEY KNOW. I WILL ONE DAY SLAP THEIR FACES IN. MY SISTER FEELS THE SAME WAY. AND SO DOES MY MOTHER.

we found out too late what cheats and liars they were. what sexual dirty con jobs they were. I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THEM AT ALL.

then I found out that they were partying and having affairs all over the place with young guys I should have been going out with. I THOUGHT THE DIRTY OLD MONGRELS. and they were always trying to force their dirty old men on to me to rape me and abuse me.

I can not forgive them for the child sexual abuse and all the other abuses. I WAS OFFENED WHEN MY COUSIN PUNCHED ME AND TRIED TO FORCE ME DOWN TO A PARTY I DID NOT WANT TO BE AT AND THEY TALKED ABOUT WERE VIBRATORS AND SWILLING DRINK, ACTING LIKE THEY ARE ALWAYS SO BETTER THEN US.

I KNOW THEY TRIED TO DROWN ME WHEN I WAS FOUR THEY MOLESTED ME AND THEY HURT ME PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.

I CAN'T FORGIVE...