I thought that the only reason I don't kill myself is because I have debts.

But it turns out that no one has to pay them in case of death.

OK, so now the only reason is that my relatives wouldn't be able to handle it.

But then again, what do their feelings concern me when I'm dead?? What does anything in this existence -- the whole complex, bloody universe! -- concern me once I'm dead?? Aren't feelings just a bunch of chemicals reacting to events on a small speck of dust ("Earth") in a big, cold, indifferent space??

So, finally, I'm trying to convince myself that suicide is not an option, because it's "the easy way out", and the easy way out is for pussies. Somehow that social aspect of it all is more important to me than ethics or feelings or even the indifference of the universe.

All in all I guess I'm making up all these excuses to prevent myself from seeing that I'm just too weak, scared or lazy to actually kill myself.