Straight Male / 26
She completely ruined me.
I fell in love with a girl in Oklahoma about a year before I told her. Well, OK, I didn't exactly "tell" her in the romantic way I wish I did. Instead, I sat muttering for about an hour, trying to avoid actually saying it, hoping that she would bring it up. It was extremely embarrassing, and still she just pretended like she didn't understand.
She was probably right in demanding it up front, but come on! If a guy is shy and obviously anxious about it, can't you just give him a little bit of help?? Instead, she looked angry with me, like I was wasting her time.
I finally blurted it out somehow, and no, she didn't want me. As an excuse for my awkward behavior, I said that I was worried about our not being friends any more after this revelation (I didn't want to say I was a coward, which was all too obvious anyway), but she said it was all OK, we'd still be friends. Great.
The weeks after that I was a nervous wreak. I had told her I couldn't handle her talking about her relationships with other guys, because it hurt me too much. And yet she did anyway, because, she told me, I was such a good listener. I was mortified, had a panic attack from hell and went into deep depression.
For fuck's sake. She keeps wearing this mask of innocence, but I can't help thinking she does this for her own enjoyment. And I can't accuse her of that, can I?? Then she'd only go, "Oh, but we're just friends, you said so yourself, why is this a problem?? And I'm being friendly to you!" And I don't want to be ungrateful, right?? Does she know it's like this?? Is she a devil, or does she really care??
I fell in love with a girl in Oklahoma about a year before I told her. Well, OK, I didn't exactly "tell" her in the romantic way I wish I did. Instead, I sat muttering for about an hour, trying to avoid actually saying it, hoping that she would bring it up. It was extremely embarrassing, and still she just pretended like she didn't understand.
She was probably right in demanding it up front, but come on! If a guy is shy and obviously anxious about it, can't you just give him a little bit of help?? Instead, she looked angry with me, like I was wasting her time.
I finally blurted it out somehow, and no, she didn't want me. As an excuse for my awkward behavior, I said that I was worried about our not being friends any more after this revelation (I didn't want to say I was a coward, which was all too obvious anyway), but she said it was all OK, we'd still be friends. Great.
The weeks after that I was a nervous wreak. I had told her I couldn't handle her talking about her relationships with other guys, because it hurt me too much. And yet she did anyway, because, she told me, I was such a good listener. I was mortified, had a panic attack from hell and went into deep depression.
For fuck's sake. She keeps wearing this mask of innocence, but I can't help thinking she does this for her own enjoyment. And I can't accuse her of that, can I?? Then she'd only go, "Oh, but we're just friends, you said so yourself, why is this a problem?? And I'm being friendly to you!" And I don't want to be ungrateful, right?? Does she know it's like this?? Is she a devil, or does she really care??
