I considered having an affair with a man who looks like a relatives ex. and I sometimes look into his eyes and feel dirty like this is wrong. yet I have to admit that I am strongly attracted to him just on that fact, that he feels so comfortable. when I knew this man I was a teen and even younger. and we have an awkward history that I am yet to uncover fully, but I want to have the place. when I have been with him there I feel like I am back in the 1960s with him and he has taken me for drives in the country because we looked at buying a old country house with a brilliant court yard and what I was shocked about was how much I felt like I was back in another time. he looks at me in certain ways that bring back really old feelings and I wonder does he remember them too. is he playing with me or has he forgotten what he did to me back then. Its not that its a big deal, but I feel something must be said. I felt helpless that day and night we stayed with friends who had suggested this house for us near by. we were not disappointed in the place. but everything felt dark and as soon as we turned in the street I felt a weird feeling like I was a child and I knew this man from early childhood, all night I held onto this feeling and it haunted me. we tried to have sex and it felt strange so I made him stop which put him off me a while, or maybe its no big deal that his mood swings and irritability have been due to something else. I felt really strange in the street and I can't explain it. it was like another time zone but alright enough for me to grow to like it.

we have purchased this property without hesitation and want to do it up to its former glory as it is much unloved state. we plan to move back to his families much larger estate later and use this as a BnB. but I will never forget that night as long as I live. part of me can't wait to go back and relive it again.
he is the boss and he often has the last word while I am silent, that is why I am grateful to find this page and speak my mind.