I am afraid of being hurt again after a man betrayed me so much, promising me love and leading me on but then dumped on me by moving in with another woman who had attacked me. he seen relationships as a game of beating opponents and I found that draining because he constantly lead me on with promises and constantly had me loosing deliberately. he had me in tears so much that he did not strike while I was hot for him and after so many tears every time I saw his face or voice I felt terrible and there was no love left.

he worked in business and travelled overseas a lot. it became too painful and that she kept physically abusive towards me. the greatest relief was looking into someone elses eyes. he was not faithful to any woman during the time I knew him and made me feel as if faithfulness as a woman was a waste of time. he was very much free love gay and bi etc. whereas I was not. I was looking for a serious love relationship with wanting a baby and settled he didn't want that with me, but made out he wanted sex with me but then didn't want that either. so I gave up. and I have been repeating the patterns ever since.

I was force fucked by a man I didn't like as my first real fuck and that was terrible because I was not attracted to him at all.

will this pattern keep haunting me or can I break free of it to find the relationship I really want to have. or should I just give up. I am sick of being bashed and hit into by girls for a guy and I am sick of men being abusive towards me.