I've been married for four years. I secretly fantasize about catching my husband cheating on me. I want to catch him so I can have a guiltless affair. I met my husband in high school and I've never been with another man and I think all the time about other men and what it would be like to suck them and have sex with them. I'm aroused all the time thinking of being with strange men. I want to be with another man at least once but I don't want to cheat unless my husband cheats first so that I'll have a good reason for doing it if I get caught and won't have to feel so guilty.