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My Family
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Straight Female / 20
My parents divorced when I was young. My father was an alcoholic. He used to rag on my mother, and call her everything form a whore to a slut in front of me and my siblings. He used to tell us how she was always out for money and that she was never looking out for us.
When I stood up for my mom to my dad, I would always say she was our mom! We were half her, but he didn't seem to think that. Or thought more of that when he started to beat me. Or, when he used to mentally pit me and my siblings against one another for his love like some gladiator battle.
I would always take the fall for my siblings, I knew that id one of us wasn't the black sheep, we would all be.
But, one day I couldn't take it! I couldn't hear him tell me that I was stupid, or that I was not as bright or good as my siblings. I couldn't take the hits, and the mental pain!
I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills in one sitting.
I had laid down in my bed, trying to sleep. TO just let it all go, to never wake up in that God forsaken house with that man that tormented me! That man that was suppose to love me no matter what I said or did! I just wanted it all to be gone.
But, then I remembered that my little sister would always wake me up in the morning by bouncing on my bed. That she was 7 at the time, and that I was going to force her to find me, dead. Dead, cold, that's how I would have scared my 7 yr old sister. Or, that my mom would cry because I never told her about the abuse. Or my other siblings that would cry because they knew why I had done it.
I wasn't going to leave them! I wasn't going to let him win! I was going to be me! No matter what he said, or how hard he hit me. With words or fists, my bruises would be for me to carry on, because I couldn't leave them.
I ran to the bathroom and vomited the pills up. I vomited twice, and took a laxative to push the rest out of my system. My dragon of a step-mom heard the noise, and I tol them I had to have gotten the bug.
TO this day, none of my family knows that I tried to kill myself when I was 12 because of what my father put me through. I am 21 now, and I am about to graduate a year early form college with a degree in chemistry. All I want to do, is be me. And be me no matter if that means sticking up for someone not there to do it for themselves.
I want to feel loved. Just once.
When I stood up for my mom to my dad, I would always say she was our mom! We were half her, but he didn't seem to think that. Or thought more of that when he started to beat me. Or, when he used to mentally pit me and my siblings against one another for his love like some gladiator battle.
I would always take the fall for my siblings, I knew that id one of us wasn't the black sheep, we would all be.
But, one day I couldn't take it! I couldn't hear him tell me that I was stupid, or that I was not as bright or good as my siblings. I couldn't take the hits, and the mental pain!
I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills in one sitting.
I had laid down in my bed, trying to sleep. TO just let it all go, to never wake up in that God forsaken house with that man that tormented me! That man that was suppose to love me no matter what I said or did! I just wanted it all to be gone.
But, then I remembered that my little sister would always wake me up in the morning by bouncing on my bed. That she was 7 at the time, and that I was going to force her to find me, dead. Dead, cold, that's how I would have scared my 7 yr old sister. Or, that my mom would cry because I never told her about the abuse. Or my other siblings that would cry because they knew why I had done it.
I wasn't going to leave them! I wasn't going to let him win! I was going to be me! No matter what he said, or how hard he hit me. With words or fists, my bruises would be for me to carry on, because I couldn't leave them.
I ran to the bathroom and vomited the pills up. I vomited twice, and took a laxative to push the rest out of my system. My dragon of a step-mom heard the noise, and I tol them I had to have gotten the bug.
TO this day, none of my family knows that I tried to kill myself when I was 12 because of what my father put me through. I am 21 now, and I am about to graduate a year early form college with a degree in chemistry. All I want to do, is be me. And be me no matter if that means sticking up for someone not there to do it for themselves.
I want to feel loved. Just once.
