Okay, I have been living a life of a lie. I have been telling all my friends and co workers that I am dating a man for over 7 years, but the truth be told I have been dating a woman for 7 years. The sad part is one of my friends is a pastor and she is always talking about gays and redeemtion. I even lie and go along with her awful theology about gays knowing well that I am gay. Then she changes things around and starts "acting gay" its confusing. At one point I was starting to feel some sort of way about this woman but she is in a relationship with a man, and expresses that she does not do that. However her actions speaks differently. Then there is my girlfriend, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2011, we use to live together but she moved and now she wants to move back and start where we left off. I do love her, but I am so confuse on if I should get in a relationship again with this woman especially with her sickness and all. I am a woman that has not had sex in ten months!! My body is craving for the touch of a woman. I feel like I am loosing my mind at times. Looking on the outside everything looks good, I have money, a car, good job, educated, but I am miserable living this lie. Then there is this addiction that I have. I am addicted to gay porn. Its to the point where I am paying to watch it daily. I think about gay porn all the time, and the orgasims that I have from watching it is wonderful. Its a total addiction. So, here I am telling people one thing and doing the complete opposite. My confession I am a lesbiann woman, who secretly wants to screw her pastor friend, and is addicted to gay porn. Smh!