Three years ago i cheated on my wife with our mutual best friend. Her and i had an affair for about a year. I dont want to think about the details as I am not proud of my actions but during the affair she became pregnant and didnt know if it was mine or her husbands. She chose to abort the baby (her choice). She was initially ok with the decision but now resents me for it. Since that time both of us have had kids. My wife and her are still best of friends but our mutual friend doesn't speak to me anymore. She blames me for the affair and doesn't want anything to do with me. Of course no one knows this because when we are all together she acts normal with me. I have never spoken to anyone about any of this but it literally eats me alive every day of my life. The guilt i feel on a day to day basis is a living hell. I realize i deserve this for my poor choices. Sad thing about all of this is i truly love both her and my wife. They are both amazing women and i have known them both for 12years. Now she hates me and I have to pretend like things are normal when they are not. I've been doing the best i can but i dont know how to get her forgiveness. Part of me wants to confess but i realize that will only make things worse for our kids and loved ones. I just want to forget the past and move on with my wife and my friend. I hope someone who reads this decides not to cheat on there spouse. All the sex and fun isnt worth the guilt you will feel and the emptiness. I've been stuck in a trance like state for the past couple years unable to do anything for fear of the truth coming out. I'm lost in my own life