This is not a dirty sex secret, this is not for me to feel kinky about sharing my sex life. This is me telling you what happend. Because no one can know the truth.

When I was 5 I was mold eyes by my baby sitter. He told me it was a game, ware he was trying to make me make noise by doing uncomfortable and odd things to me, and if I was good and quiet I would typiclly get a treat afterwords normally candy or a happy meal toy.
He told me he loved me alot.
Took me many years but I now know this is why it's uncomfortable for me to make noise while having sex. Then when I was 16 I got kicked out and moved in with my mom and stepfather. I can't remember if it was only a few days or a week, but when I first moved in their was an afternoon ware my stepfather an I were the only ones in the house. I came into their room to ask something when I realized my stepdad was asleep. I turnned then he said "close the door an come over here!" I did so and then he grabed me and pulled me under the covers with him and fell back asleep. He was much bigger than me, verry strong and heavy, I could only move my head. He held me for at least 20mim abit longer. Then started kissing my neck. I told him I wasent mom. I said it over an over again till I was shouting, and he didn't stop till I felt something jabbing at my ass crack. I panicked and tryed to squerm free but he was to heavy..
He pushed my head under the covers and pushed his underware down and shoved his cock down my throat. I could stop gagging I thought I was gonna puke. He was terrifyingly big, honestly the biggest I'd ever seen. If u took a coke can and set it longways ontop if his shaft you would still be able to see his cock on ether side of the can. And about anouther 3 inches past.
He kept me from moving and gaged me till he came. Then as he started going down I tryed to get away again, but he still had me. I sat their shaking for a long while and then.. A thought poped into my head, if I can't get out of it I might as well enjoy it. So.... I started sucking on him till he got hard again and then until he came again.

He sat up and asked "is this what u want??" I said "no not really."
He looked confused. Then I said "u started it" and took my chance to get up off the bed and far from his reach.

His simy said "shit!"

Then after he dressed himself and I washed out my mouth and wiped of my face he exsplained to me he has sex in his sleep much like other people sleep walk or get up and eat in their sleep, he can't help it. He said that was why my sisters wernt aloud in the room when he was sleeping. But they never thought to tell me because he normally dosent go after manly gays, he just likes the cross dressers and only on ocation. We agreed to never talk about it after that.
But. About 2 weeks latter we were wrestling (normal for my family). And he pinned me and... We both got hard, an then he started kissing my neck again and them my lips. Not only the biggest cock I'd ever seen but he was a good kisser too!
It became sorta a thing for a while. At first every time he and I were alone for more than two hrs we did it. Then as time whent on he kept becoming more agressive and asking me to try new things, handcuffs, coaking, then he would stop carring when I would say stop, then I told him I didn't want to do it anymore, any of it. The fallowing night he forced me with mom right across the house. That was when I knew I was helpless, their was nothing I could do. He kept getting more agressive till he was punching my ribs and coaking me till I almost blacked out and worse...
It continued like this until one day I told him I'd tell mom, I was shaking and I still don't understand why it was so hard to fight him or say anything, but it took alot just to say that to him.
He stopped, and about two weeks latter my mother noticed something was wrong (fucking finnnaly!!) and kept pressing for answers till I told her.
He told hre he had no memory of any of it and acted like he was gonna turn himself in. Mom asked if that was what I wanted and I realized that if he whent to jail he couldn't pay for my sisters collage anymore....

I said no... Then the three of us agreed not to say anything about it again.. Worst part is mom really believed that he dosent remember.

Begenning to end it lasted two years the first year was willing and exsperimental the second was torcher and constant fear.

He hasent touched me sence but I still live with him, and sometimes it's hard. Especially when mom dosent understand why and then If I tell her she acts like I hit her or something.

I move out hopefully sometime after June. A friend is coming down and were gonna get a place together.

I hate him and wish him dead every day. Yet I still love my mom and wish her no harm. My sister ended up taking care if her own collage. And now the only reason I haven't said anything is because Inlove her and I know that if I put him in jail Cort will find out she knew and did nothing and she will go to jail too, and then the only family I will have left I'd my sisters if they wish to speak to me afterwords.

And now u see. I can never tell and I don't know if I can ever truly recover.