I've been with my bf for 4 years now. Shortly after we started hooking up, we sat down and had a talk about what we liked in sex. We both like basically the same things which include rough and sweaty sex, but he like to be spanked too. He showed me he likes his balls and nipples slapped, and he also like to have his bottom spanked. It all started out to be just kind of a quick pat or light tap or slap of my hand, but he has progressed to wanting more and more firm, even really hard spanks.

It was hurting my hand, so about a month ago I got a silicon spatula from the kitchen and started using it on him. I very firmly slap his balls and cock with it. He's not satisfied until I literally feel like I'm beating him when I hit his nipples with it, and he has me spank him so hard on his bottom that it is dark red and even purple sometimes. This takes like 2 weeks to heel back to normal looking from the bruising from what he has me do to him.

I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this to him. I feel like I'm abusing him, but he loves it and begs me to keep on doing it until he is ready to orgasm. Once he orgasms, then he doesn't want the abuse any more. If I could get over the feeling that I'm abusing him, then I think I'd be OK with it. I kind of like using the spatula on him, and I kind of am getting into being "the top". But afterward the bruising on his body makes me feel very guilty.

What am I to do??