I WAS IN A STRICT CHURCH ALL MY LIFE, I FOLLOWED IT, began to feel increasingly miserable and lonely,I resisted the urge to sleep with my partner of 4 years because we were not married, he was incompatible with me and younger. After much heartache and self doubt, along came a man who appeared to bond with me, and listened to me, seemed to be really interested in me and put me on a pedestal, made me feel for once in my life worth something. I fell for him, ended the relationship with the lad I was wasting time with, as I had found out previously he had cheated onme three times. I ran into the arms of this new older man, and left the church and began to have a normal relationship, so I thought.
Three years on, my so called partner has been open and told me he had an arranged marriage, and cant divorce due to his children, he goes o the house every day and after me asking him to leave her, as he supposedly isnt in arelationship with her, he and I have not been getting on. he wont let me go, and keeps brainwashing me tellin me I am not the kind of stable person he can commit to, he calls me a slut and a slag constantly. I have a drinking problem now, or so he says, basically I get drunk when I am out, I am slowly waking up, I have been to the house and called the house at times when we row and he makes himself uncontactable. I have told the wife that we have been seeing each other 5 years.
It's so easy to think you know it all when your on the outside of these stories, and never think it can happen to you He has started to get a litttle bit too physical for my liking too. Not hitting me just holding me down, but its all sort of in a jokey manner, I'm not scared of him, but I see this as a representation of how overpowered I am feeling. When I have talked about how I feel he promises to sort his family situation out, but they are religious too and would not approve of me. I'm pressy angry that I got involved when I had an opportunity to live my life out of the cult, but he captured my mind and now im back in mental captivity. I feel weak, and am struggling morally to just end it with him.
This is from the perspectiv of an innocent person who was never promiscous etc, and got fooled into a relationship. I'm a fkin fool and I hate myself, but feel to scared to take the leap and get rid of him . I'm surrounded by idiots and don't trust men as everyone I see is a sleaze ball, my head is fkd