by Anonymous on Jan 23, 2014 at 7:43 PM

Sweetheart I can relate in full to what I gather is going on for you. If left to my own devices and preferences I would sit on my ass, drunk out of my gourde, and not do a god damn thing ever. And I would enjoy every god damn minute of it. And I have done that before. Long story, I have this kind of tendency to meet a girl, move in with her pretty much right off the bat, and let any and everything I previously had going on for me fall to the side and become completely consumed by the bottle. It is for a few reasons but the one I offer as observation to you in hopes that you benefit from me sharing it is the reason of fear for one reason or another. I am so petrified of failure for a lot of reason. Self esteem, pain, emotional hurt, a lot of reasons. The effect I have allowed it to have is that I simply will not put ANY effort into ANYTHING. While I guarantee not being successful, I also ensure that I can not fail, therefore no hurt. It doesn't exactly work out in he end though. To change anything requires initial effort and continued application. Any change to happen requires momentum. I so adamantly hate the gym and working out but it has been suggested to me that when I don't want to go that I simply drive to the parking lot. If after that I still don't want to go, at least I put forward some kind of effort. The situation and malaise you have fallen into is a darkly romantic one. It feels so god damn good. But it only gets worse. Small steps for the sake of simply doing something differently. Perhaps you could connect with someone in your house or community and go for a walk, get coffee, etc. Make additional effort to walk around a bit after your cigarette. Open blinds, turn on lights, attempt to normalize your sleep cycles. If you need to don't be afraid to ask for help. People can read signs but in the end nobody knows what's going on or how they might be able to help is you don't communicate anything. Best of luck to you and I hope this was helpful. Keep your chin up darlin' tomorrow is, after all, another day and will happen with or without you. Reality and the world is impartial and doesn't care if you are depressed, upset, etc. The longer you stay stuck the harder and harder it becomes to change it.