Today, I had a date for the first time in a while. My insides felt weird but I just kinda chalked it up to butterflies and the fact that I had been entirely blocked up and unable to have a bowel movement the day before and that morning. We were going to catch a movie and then have dinner. As I was driving down, the feeling got worse and worse, but I still didn't realize that something was wrong. We met up in front and went inside. While we were standing in line for the tickets, my stomach let out a loud growl. It was quite painful, but he just laughed it off, joking that he should see if they have an extra large popcorn. He paid for both of our tickets and a bucket of popcorn. As we took our seats, he offered me some of his snack and I felt like I was being rude not to take it. He repeated this several times and I ended up eating about four handfuls, even though my stomach was getting worse by the minute. I was getting nauseous and my belly was churning terribly; I was glad when the movie started and the sound concealed the growls coming from it. The movie also served as somewhat of a distraction from my discomfort. However, half way through the movie a cramp ripped through my middle and I literally ran to the restrooms, nearly making a huge mess on the way. I didn't have time to care if there was anyone to hear me as I sat down on the toilet and unleashed everything. At first it was solid and felt like a large stone that had been greased with the movie theater "butter" I had ingested not long before. Though that very morning it had been stuck inside me as if it were hardened concrete, it now slipped out easily, effortlessly followed by what felt like gallons of diarrhea. It kept coming and coming... Twice, I cleaned myself and started to get up before another wave hit. When my intestines had finally emptied, I did a final clean-up and stood. Looking at it, I could even see undigested popcorn bits that I had eaten not one hour ago. My belly was still churning and I realized it wasn't going to get better about the same time I realized how raw my bottom was. So, I shamefully made my way outside, not expecting to see him waiting outside the lady's room. A pang of embarrassment and shame it me. Unfortunately, it hit me right in the gut, forcing my breakfast up and out with barely enough time to turn my head to avoid spraying him. Goodbye, three cheese omelet. Before another heave hit me, I realized that more diarrhea was on its way NOW. I ran back to one of the stalls and sat, leaving the door open. Half-digested foot sprayed from both ends as I held the door open. I honestly don't know how long I was sitting there, but no one else came in or out of the restroom. When I came out after, he was gone too. I shamefully went back out to my car as, for the moment, everything seemed to have settled. I felt that the major discomfort would be the act of sitting on the place that had been burned with molten lava. This was terribly incorrect. About ten minutes into my drive, I felt the impending southern explosion again. Fortunately, I had warning enough to clench and be able to hold it until I was out in the country with no one but the snow banks to see me. I was able to get out of my car and squirt from either end, using Kleenex for clean up, with no one being the wiser. Three vomits and one diarrhea. I made it home without messing my clothes or my car. Once inside, I changed my clothes and got into bed. My poor tummy made it difficult, but I managed to fall asleep. I must have been running a fever because I had a pretty bizarre dream about some pirates and woke up as I fell out of bed. The shock of the fall made me lose control and I ended up having instantaneous diarrhea. I was sitting on the floor, curled around my stomach, shitting liquid all over myself. There was no way I could stop myself; it was happening and my opening was so tender I could hardly stand the feeling of my weight on the wood floor underneath me. Though I tried to hold it down as long as I could, the smell forced up more food and acid, which had nowhere to go but into my lap. Scooping up what was on my legs, I managed to get myself up. I tossed the vomit into the toilet and started cleaning myself up in the bathtub. Strangely, the diarrhea was clear. There was a strange substance in my panties, but the diarrhea itself left no brown stain. I cleaned myself up and, finally, it seemed the heaving would end. When I got back into bed the second time, my muscles ached and my stomach cramped somewhat, but nothing came out. I was empty. I fell asleep and awoke about two hours ago feeling semi-normal. I felt hungry and ate dry toast and felt alright, so I ate another with peanut butter. That came out the other end, in liquid form, about ten minutes ago...