I'm severely depressed. I hate myself and don't think I deserve anything I have. I feel sick whenever I look at myself. I have friends, I guess, but they don't really know me. My ""best friend"" says I'm her best friend, but she says that about 50 other people so it doesn't really matter. It's hard to get out of bed in the morning because I am so exhausted, in pain, and feel so worthless. I have no idea why I keep bothering trying to befriend people and do things for them. I just get taken advantage of and keep getting asked to do things for them with nothing in return.

My family is falling apart so I can't tell them anything about this, since they are so wrapped up in their own crap and keep throwing me in the middle.

It's like it's impossible for me to feel joy. I have nothing that makes me happy, just things that make me feel less awful. No matter how good something would be to a normal person, I feel nothing. I say I'm happy about it because I know I'm supposed to be happy in that moment. I don't know what to do. I feel empty and nothing but sadness and loneliness inside. Even when I'm surrounded by people.