Last May 2013 I was drunk and I think my brother in law raped me, I had this weird vibe ever since, he looks at me in a funny way and hits heavenly on me. I don't know what to do, I love my sister so much, cause I raised her but i cant bear the courage to tell her that he hits on me and has confessed that if she didn't exist, he would be my husband. I don't like him and don't see a future with him but whenever we are in a family meeting he gets me drunk so he can can fuck me. I feel bad but I know my all traditional christian family wont believe me. I like his good qualities by I know he masturbates when he thinks of me and my sister doesn't trust me. I had never hit on him but I know I'm weak when I'm drunk, cause no one ever love me and I had worked my ass for everyone to raise my siblings cause my mom left us and gave a fuck about us. Please someone tell me how I can get over this, I want to die every time I think about this.