Back in 2002, I got stuck at work because of a blizzard. I spent two nights at a hotel in the city while my husband was at home with our kids. The two men who are my bosses, then and now, also stayed in the city at the same hotel. We each had our own rooms right near each other on the same floor. We ate dinner together, had a few drinks, grabbed some wine and hung out in one of the guy's rooms. One thing led to another and we ended up having a threesome. These guys are partners and close friends who grew up together. Both married, they are twelve years older than I am. I spent the night with the two of them, having sex with both. We all slept together in the same bed.

The next day the city was a ghost town as the snow really piled up. I went to my room feeling great at first then started feeling guilty and embarrassed. I had never cheated before and started feeling sick about it. Additionally, I assumed my bosses were disgusted with my behavior. They eventually found me and they knew I was upset. They were upset too. We talked it out and decided that it was a one time thing that we'd never tell anyone else about.

Of course later that night after more wine and alone time we did it again. "Just one more time to get it out of our systems" we told ourselves. I ended up screwing the guys that night and again the next morning. And we've been having sex ever since on a regular basis at that same hotel. An hour here, an hour there, sometimes with one of them, sometimes with both. Month after month, year after year.

I've loved my husband this whole time. These two men are the only men I've ever cheated on him with. I don't know why I got involved in this in the first place or why I've continued but it's been a part of my life for such a long time. We have been very careful about this. We don't discuss it via phone, text or emails. We don't discuss it at the office beyond "hey you wanna get together Thursday??" type conversations. We have no physical contact outside hotel rooms pretty much ever. The only way I thought we'd ever get caught is if one of us told someone.

Sadly, I am a hypocrite. I suspected my husband of cheating on me a few years ago and confronted him. He denied it and we had real issues that are still lingering. I still believe he was although I have no proof. I should have kept my mouth shut and just let him have his fun the way I have been doing for so long but I didn't. I confronted him and let my ridiculous resentments mess up our relationship.

My husband's best friend was at our place not long ago and was falling down drunk. He had me cornered going on and on about how great I was and how much he loved me and my husband loved me and things like that. He was worried about our marriage failing and trying to help. My heart pretty much stopped when he drunkenly said something like "He loves you enough not to say anything about the affair you've been having with your boss all these years, give him a break."

I got our friend to tell me that my husband has known almost since the beginning. He thinks I'm only seeing one of my bosses but he's known and never said a word. A little while later and our friend was onto another topic and seemed to have forgotten all about the conversation.

I was in tears. I went to my husband, hugged him tight and sobbed on his chest and told him I loved him again and again. He doesn't know that I know but he's aware that something is up. I don't have the courage to face him with this. I think my marriage is pretty much over and it's probably for the best. I'm desperately sad for hurting him all these years and for causing the destruction of our marriage.