I've literally only had sex with my wife once since we've been married, and she's given birth three times. Right now she's "out" in the middle of the night. When she comes home we'll have a shower together and she'll be able to tell if I've been masturbating or not by how my dick looks, and if I've been masturbating she'll yell at me and kick me in the balls, so I haven't masturbated in months, if not a year. She buys a new dildo every month at least, and uses them frequently. I guess I shouldn't complain, since she's been the one working while I'm at home taking care of "our" children, and she makes far more money than I'm even qualified to make.

I don't know if I even should do anything, but if you have any ideas I'd still like to hear them.