When I was 13 I had a crush on my P.E. teacher and all my friends knew about it. He was in his mid 30's, athletic and really handsome. My friends and I started asking him all kinds of sex questions, very innocent, very basic questions at first but eventually, my friends started to dare me to ask him heavier stuff. Which positions were better, how long could a man last, how big men normally were... He would give me evasive answers most of the time but after a while he began to give me very graphic replies. I remember he told me that there were many sizes and shapes of penises - which I found extremely odd - and that he could only talk for himself but he was almost as thick as his forearm. I found that massive and thought there was no way anything that big would ever fit inside of me.

One day during break, he asked me to help him with the class material we were gonna need later so I followed him to his office. It was a little room next to the gym - it only had a chair and a desk and all the balls, hoops, cords and class stuff. He sat on his chair and I stood, unsure of what to do.

Then he asked me why I was so interested in sex and if maybe I had some awakening desires. I was too shy and to embarrassed to reply and got really nervous, but he kept asking me things. Then he told me that it was all natural cause that's what puberty did to girls. He began to tell me how my body would change and how everything would feel different.

I stood there petrified and then he stood up and put his hands on my hips and said "your hips will get wider, to make room for a baby" and then slid his hands up to my waist and said "that will make you waist seem smaller, and men will love to hold you" and then he slid them up to my chest. "Your breasts are not developed yet but I can feel them growing. Do they hurt??" I said they did, a little. "He touched them and rubbed them like he was giving me a massage. "Your nipples will get very sensitive. You will love it when a man touches them or licks them".

I was really nervous by then and I really wanted to run away but he was my teacher and even though it all seemed really wrong, I wasn't sure if he was allowed to do that or not. After all, I had asked all the questions. He asked if he could pull my shirt up to check if I was developing right. I didn't answer but he pulled it up anyway. I wasn't developed yet so I didn't wear anything under my shirt yet. He looked at my flat breasts and touched them. He made some thorough exploration with his fingers, pressing and touching. "I think you'll have some very nice breasts." And he let go of my shirt. He smiled at me and then he said "Do you have any pubic hair already??" I couldn't even speak. "Do you know what pubic hair is??" He asked. "It's the hair that grows around your sex. Have you noticed if it started growing?? Let me check for you."

And he pulled up the front of my uniform skirt and told me to hold it up while he slid my panties down my legs.

He crouched before me and look intently at my sex. Then he put his hands on my thighs and asked me to spread them a little so he could see better. I did and he began to touch me. He spread my folds and looked from every angle. "You do have some hair here" he said and he tickled my labia. "It's dark brown".

His touch excited me but I was also terrified that someone would walk in and see us and I had the feeling that was he was doing was terribly wrong and that we shouldn't be doing it. I wanted to run away.

"Have you ever touched yourself like this??" And he slid his finger along my slit. I told him I hadn't. He told me it was ok cause it was all part of growing up. "Doesn't it feel nice??" I don't think it did, by then all I really wanted was to go away. So I didn't reply. "So you have never tried to put your finger inside??" And as he asked, I could feel his finger trying to enter me. I wasn't even wet and it hurt. I flinched and he stopped trying. "You will like it soon, don't worry. And it won't hurt. Sex can sometimes hurt the first time but that's because a man's penis is much bigger than a finger. No need to be afraid, though. Are you afraid??"

I told him I was.

"Do you want to see mine?? You'll see it's nothing to be afraid of. I will let you touch it if you want."

I said "No thanks."

He pulled my panties up again and smiled. "Next time, maybe. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You are beautiful and you'll grow into a beautiful woman, you'll see."

I let go of my skirt and asked if that was all. He told me he would get the basket balls sack himself cause maybe it was too heavy for me after all and that I could go back to my friends.

I left and ran to the yard where my friends were waiting. They all asked what he wanted and if maybe I had been able to ask him something else but I lied and told him he just wanted to to get the balls out but they were too heavy.

"You should have tried harder", my friend said, "he's gonna ask one of the boys next time and you won't have alone time with your boyfriend!" And we all laughed but deep inside I just felt like crying.

There was no next time - thankfully for me - because he was fired when one of the older girls told her mother that he had a boner during their swimming lessons. That's when I truly realised that what he had done to me was bad. But even then, I still felt like it was my fault for asking so many questions.

To this day, being naked in front of a fully clothed man makes me so wet that I can cum just with him staring at me. But if a man calls me "good girl" or asks me anything during sex, even just "do you like that??" I freeze and want to run away.

I'm totally fucked up.