I'm 21. I'm a virgin.
It's not that I'm not looking for love... I just don't feel an interest in most women. It's been like this for four years. I'm definitely not gay either.
I admit, I have had trouble with intimacy before. Just as I had trouble with sharing my feelings.
It's just that day by day passes by, and I feel alone. Sincerely alone. There's alot of trouble and anguish in my family right now. It might have something to do with that. It's not that I mind, either, since I've been alone for the majority of my life anyways. It's just that there's this kind of emptiness in my soul. It would've been nice to have somebody to hold though. Especially the last few weeks.

I guess meeting this girl last weekend rekindled feelings of old. Of when I was 16 and could still fall in love, or at least I think it's love. It's not like that worked out either. I have no idea what I do wrong anymore. I guess I could use some help. But I don't have anyone to turn to. What I had with this girl was the closest to a true bond that I had ever had. Sure, I have friends, but in times like these you get to see what they are truly like.

I have no idea where this "confession" is going. The only thing I do know is that I feel empty. Kind of like a shell of the man I used to be. I don't know. I'm rambling. I guess the thing that bothers me is that I might die tomorrow, but never had the joy of being truly loved. Sure, mother's love is a thing I've felt, but you know what I mean. To call someone truly yours. To have someone be glad you're theirs and await your return to the place you call home.

I don't think I'll ever have a family. I'm being honest here. Life has dealt me a shit hand, and I'm forced to play, like everyone.

I guess I'll just keep on dreaming, and making the best of what I have. To anyone that took the time to read this; Thanks. I really appreciate it.