When I was 17 I made out that I was so tough, so hard, but in actual fact I was always scared of violence. My friends were always wary of me as they thought I was a real hard dude. The only reason they thought it was I got in a lucky punch with a guy who was the neighborhood bully, when he was trying to beat me up. I knocked him clean out and then made out it was meant.

They wouldn't have thought that if they'd known the real reason I'd retaliated. I'd been out that morning with a friend shopping. In the mall I needed a pee and went, leaving my friend to carry on shopping. Stood at the stone peeing, a guy came in and stood right next to me. He wasn't even peeing, all he was doing was playing with his erect cock. I instantly became turned on and my dick became hard. We didn't say a word to each other, but I still followed him into the cubicle. With his shorts undone and around his ankles I instinctively knelt down and took his cock into my mouth.

Sucking in his cock was amazing and I knew straight away I'd always secretly wanted to suck another guys cock. What I didn't know was how much I'd enjoy him fucking me, when he had me stand up and lean over the toilet bowl. I didn't fight him or try to stop what I knew he was doing. Feeling his warm wet tongue sliding in between my butt cheeks is still a memory that turns me on. When his tongue began to probe my asshole and his right hand started to stroke my cock, I shivered with unknown anticipation.

I heard him tearing off the covering of the condom and then slipping it on himself, but I didn't look round. The moment his cock entered me, I knew it was who I was and I let him abuse me knowing I was a willing partner. He fucked for about ten minutes, sometimes slowly when other guys were in the bathroom, other times hard and fast, ramming his cock deep inside my asshole. It was during one of his hard times thrusting up me, I began to cum. I hadn't touched myself and I was still cumming. I came all over the floor and toilet bowl in front of me just before he let go filling the condom inside of me.

Standing me up again, he turned me a little put his lips to mine and kissed me hard. I saw him throw the filled condom into the toilet bowl, before he sorted himself out and left. I sat on the toilet for five minutes after that figuring out what it all meant. The conclussion I came to at the time, whilst still enjoying the feeling of being fucked, was, I been tricked in to having gay sex. That's why I was so confused and annoyed when the bully tried to beat on me.

Only when I reached 20 did I fully recognise the need in me to enjoy my sexuality to its fullest. I met a guy through my then girlfriend. We got close and I realised how sexualy charged I was around him. One thing very much lead to another and we scretly had a two year gay affair, where I was most deffinately the bottom. I still made out and put out my persona of toughness, but behind closed doors and on his bed I was his fuck toy to enjoy and do whatever he wanted to, and with.

I'm married now to a wonderful woman who accepts my other sexual desires, and still to this day keep my cock lust secret and away from the close friends I occasinally go out with. My wife gives, allows, accepts of me a couple of days/nights a month to indulge in my sexual passion for gay sex. If we ever split up and divorced (I truely hope and wish we don't)I know in my heart I'd come out of the closet and face whatever followed, by staying and living as a gay man.