Had a strange dream last night of my cousin. I woke and laid there for hours and could not sleep. What seemed honorable in my youth haunts me today.

My cousin was a true vision and personality of pure sweetness. her first car date and her third date with a boy she loved. Horrible accident that nearly killed her and injured him greatly. Her recovery would never happen completely.

She was five years older than me and always had great feelings for her. We played together but never did anything beyond hugs and dancing.

In her recovery she cried and told of fears, "I will never have anyone" "he never calls and thinks I look bad now" I held her and told her she would have someone. Helped her walk, although a bad limp she could walk with help. In time could walk a few miles with my held hand. She would visit our house on weekends and I would take her walking. She told me things no one else knew. She also told her fears of never knowing love. No one would treat her like a woman, always an cripple.

This bothered me and by now I had turned seventeen. We carried a blanket to stretch her one leg out, so I packed a few more things. Packed three condoms some water and a portable radio. We reached the corner and I kept her walking into the meadow. We stopped near the water and laid out the blanket. Set up the radio and told her to relax and let me be her boyfriend. I kissed her like a lover while I massaged her breast. I undressed her and undressed my self. Kissed her body from her neck to the nipples. She laid there enjoying this. When I did oral sex on her she did not resist at all. Legs open as much as she could. her good hand on my head giving direction. Ask if I could have the honor of sex with her, she worried about getting pregnant. The condom put this fear to rest. It took no time to get it on and me to get inside her. She did not seem to be having an orgasm, seemed uncomfortable. Slowed my self down and kissed her more. Still nothing from her.

I had an orgasm and spilled my load in the condom while inside her. We stopped and I removed the filled condom. Preformed oral sex on her again and the orgasm happened fairly quick. She said that feels good and gave her new enjoyment laugh. She pushed me over, preformed oral sex on me to completion. She choked and spit it out pretty quick. Had an idea that was her first blow job, or her memories of the others were lost.

In time erection was ready to start again, a new condom and had her get on her knees. Right in and her head flew back. "Did I hurt you??" yea a little bit you did. So I backed off and slowed the stroke. again no orgasm, I had to finish after a long session. She ask we stop for that day, she was sore.

Dressed and walking back I ask when was her first time and who it was with?? just then with you. Nearly fell out when she told me this. She was a virgin and had plans to let this boy be her first. She wanted to wait three months before she allowed. I had horrible feeling I had taken advantage of her. She assured me I had done her well. She wanted this to get her self going. She trusted me and actually enjoyed it. The oral sex the most, but the other was enjoyable. She enjoyed being so good I could find enjoyment with her. She had the feeling of a real woman.

For years I had the honor of a hero. I had helped her recovery. Today its bothering me.

She never told anyone I did this, that I know of. But she did find a man. She was married to a war vet. He had some problems and handicapped issues. Was good for the both.

I see her at family gatherings and she always looks on me with favor. Not a word of our past.