I have pychological disorder and it's like another me is inside me. I know the other me hates me. Most of the time I'm in conrtol but sometimes it gets control like if I get very depressed.
I call it a demon but my doctor says it's not. I don't know if demons can be male or female or both but to me this seems like a witch and so I think of it as female.
I hate it because it uses me to hurt me. I try to stay in control but on the really bad days I can't. I hear myself saying stop! but there I am doing what it says, taking my clothes off and tying myself up. My pills work, lithium stops the depression and that's my doctors main goal to stop the depression before it gets too bad. What happens is both voices get going and I'm saying no and it's saying yes and then it's too late and it just leaves me there. I'm back to being the real me and it's in the background laughing at me.
I once tied myself to a coffee pot with my genitals in the water. It told me to plug it in before I snapped the padlock closed with my free hand. I ended up doing it and it left me. I had to yell for help. The email man heard me and luckily the door wasn't locked but that was how he found me. I couldn't explain it to make any since.
It was the same thing with a battery charger. I had to yell out. I couldn't tke it any longer.The neighbor kids heard me and looked into the window and one of them got their mom. That lady thinks I'm crazy, and what can I say? The neighbors all know now from her telling them so that's what I have to live with.
I went to a woods. I tied a rope over a branch and then around my genitals. I got up on a cardboard box and tied my hands behind my back. I had put a picher of water between my feet and the voice said to push it over. I begged not to but my feet pushed it and the water soaked the cardboard and I went upside down hanging by my genitals. I couldn't yell beause I couldn't hardly breathe. I just hung there slowly turning in circles. Some joggers found me. I ended up in the emergency room. That was when I went to the counselor about my problem.
Now any time I think about not taking my pills I think about how I felt in those situations. I also know what would be in store for me next time. It always gets worse. I know I'd be tied on a beach with herring pieces between my legs and on my genitals. I'm too afraid of that because if no one hears me it will just be me and the seagulls. I don't want this other me to win so I take my pills every day.
I call it a demon but my doctor says it's not. I don't know if demons can be male or female or both but to me this seems like a witch and so I think of it as female.
I hate it because it uses me to hurt me. I try to stay in control but on the really bad days I can't. I hear myself saying stop! but there I am doing what it says, taking my clothes off and tying myself up. My pills work, lithium stops the depression and that's my doctors main goal to stop the depression before it gets too bad. What happens is both voices get going and I'm saying no and it's saying yes and then it's too late and it just leaves me there. I'm back to being the real me and it's in the background laughing at me.
I once tied myself to a coffee pot with my genitals in the water. It told me to plug it in before I snapped the padlock closed with my free hand. I ended up doing it and it left me. I had to yell for help. The email man heard me and luckily the door wasn't locked but that was how he found me. I couldn't explain it to make any since.
It was the same thing with a battery charger. I had to yell out. I couldn't tke it any longer.The neighbor kids heard me and looked into the window and one of them got their mom. That lady thinks I'm crazy, and what can I say? The neighbors all know now from her telling them so that's what I have to live with.
I went to a woods. I tied a rope over a branch and then around my genitals. I got up on a cardboard box and tied my hands behind my back. I had put a picher of water between my feet and the voice said to push it over. I begged not to but my feet pushed it and the water soaked the cardboard and I went upside down hanging by my genitals. I couldn't yell beause I couldn't hardly breathe. I just hung there slowly turning in circles. Some joggers found me. I ended up in the emergency room. That was when I went to the counselor about my problem.
Now any time I think about not taking my pills I think about how I felt in those situations. I also know what would be in store for me next time. It always gets worse. I know I'd be tied on a beach with herring pieces between my legs and on my genitals. I'm too afraid of that because if no one hears me it will just be me and the seagulls. I don't want this other me to win so I take my pills every day.
