i am 20 years old and a lot of things has happen to me that doesn't normally happen to women in her 40's. With that being said all i ever wanted was to fell loved and get married have kids, of course every girls fairy tale ending. Pregnant with my second child and it's a girl, 5 months i believe. I still smoke yes i know its bad im trying to quit but all the stress in my life makes it that much easier to run back to cigs. My current boyfriend and i are arguing because of my smoking and i totally understand why he's upset the baby's health. i am unsure if we are even together at this point, we are both jealous and insecure people so it is irritating when he trips out i understand but when i trip out he always wants to leave. I know he doesn't love me nor want to be with me but i just want it to work so desperately for my kids my first child is 3 and he loves him just like he was his bio father. we have been engaged for 6 months and i dont know if it will happen im scared to lose him, he is a good guy he just has some flaws like every single person on this earth. I still love him after all the things he has done to hurt me knowingly that i was not ready to date he just kept on insisting that he will not hurt me and he loves me and he loves my son. im just tired and would like to take my own life, I'm so tired of crying every night and having to worry about what we are going to argue about next. Yes its normal to argue i know but we do it every single day. does anyone know how to suicide without it seeming like one?? i don't want my son to know that his mom took the cowards way out of life.