My first contact was when I was 11 and he was 9. He was an aggressive little shit and called me queer and would grab my crotch. One afternoon he pulled out his cock, which didn't look so small to me then, because mine hadn't quite made it either, and he told me to suck him. I did and I haven't quick sucking since that day. The feeling of his little hard cock in my mouth and him telling me to suck him was an explosive combination. I sucked him that day, and every day after that. He liked to get naked and he liked to hump, and I would get down on the bed and he would hump me. I could feel his little hard dick pushing against me. After a while, I would suck him.

Neither one of us ever ejaculated, although I could tell that is what I wanted to do. I finally ejaculated in my pajamas one night while dreaming about sucking his cock. I ejaculated right into my pajamas and the sheets. After that, I masturbated every night. He kept me as his cocksucker for several years, well into our teens. By then we both had real cocks, and we both ejaculated and I got my share of his cum on me. I also had grown up physically and didn't look so effeminate any more and started to work out and built some muscle. One day we just drifted apart.

But my feelings remained. My next lover was an older guy who worked at the Sears store helping stock supplies. He went to church with me and we hooked up sort of accidentally, but I was a good fit for him. He wasn't as aggressive, more the quiet dominant type, and he had me give him oral until he got ready to fuck and he would fuck me. He was quite knowledgeable as he had been fuckihng queers for a while, and always used good amounts of lube, which made everything so much better. It was with him that I learned to truly enjoy bottoming. Once I called him my boyfriend, but I had gone to far. He wasn't my boyfriend, he was the guy that I went to suck cock or get fucked. That was all.

I graduated to a more serious set of relationships as I grew older, but somehow they always seem to fizzle away. The sex is the obejective, and it is the sex that keeps the relationship going. I went to New York last summer to see an old friend, and he introduced me to blind sex. The guys are all supposed to wear condoms, but who knows who the guy is that is fucking you and whether or not he is wearing one. By then, you are nothing more than a bitch to hump and that is exactly what you do. So far I have never caught anything, but I did get a high from going out with my friend in New York. I haven't done that back here in St. Louis, but I liked the anonymity and the sex. I haven't gone back, but it is on my mind.

I don't have a steady fuck budy right now. I really am into a more mature man, who likes to fuck. But at 34 I am no longer in the right age group. I have never connected with anyone to say I have a relationship. I've been hitting on ramdom men I meet, but so far not with much success. So I have turned to online dating, which is only one step away from New York.