I really am disgusted in myself and i have been watching this site for a while to make sure is was really confidential and it seems legit so here goes...

I am a single mom of 3. My husband took my virginity in college coming from a strict conservative background i was a late bloomer. My husband was my first and only, until he left me two years ago. I guess, i was or maybe am still depressed. All i ever wanted was to be a good wife and loving mother. My husband was near perfect and never misstreated me, the sex was good, but he was loving and supportive too. What i did not know was he was fucking other women the whole time. We live in WV and is job took him to Dallas several times a year and it turns out he had a whole group of girls he made the rounds with and finally he just left me and the kids for a younger woman.

He is suppose to pay support but rarely does. He rarely keeps contact with his kids. The house is paid for and i did get to keep it and that is why i never moved. The problem is it is out in the middle of fucking no where and there is no place to get a job. And now for the first time in my life i have to work to care for myself and my kids. I waitressed at a Crackle Barrel for about 6 months and the tips were pretty good and i could have made that work but my very married older boss kept pressuring me for sex out side of work. He told me it was not a work thing, it was just he knew my husband left me and i likely needed some, but i was free to say no and it had nothing to do with my job. I did say no loud and clear, and when i was late to my shift i few weeks later because my kid was sick, i was fired with no warning while others are late all the time. Had i believed he'd do that i may have actually put out for him because i did want some he was right. It was just that he was married and i did not want to do to his wife what so many girls did to me. Had he been single i would have gladly enjoyed. I regret not swallowing my pride and just fucking him married or not because nobody else will hire me. It is a small town and i am sure he has badmouthed me to the other restaurants because i just can't get hired not matter how many times i apply.

Out of pure desperation i started waitressing at a strip club. It is a little whole in the wall place off the interstate that mostly gets truckers or interstate out of town travelers. It is one of those places you see the billboards for along the highway. Most of the girls who work there are older desperate women, and a few druggie highschool drops outs types who are fucked up on drugs who serve as the eye candy to draw men in. I made it clear when i started i was a waitress only. When i was hired it was with the promise that I don't dance, i don't strip, and I don't do what is going on in the Champagne rooms. With the kind of girls who work for us every one knows what happens in the Champagne rooms. Management makes a cut by making the Champagne rooms a fee the guys pay to use the rooms, the bouncers look out for fuzz or danger for a little tip and some head form the girls, and the girls get whatever they can convince the guys to pay for the extras. It is usually body on body rubs, hand jobs, and head, some girls will fuck, but not for under 100 bucks and a guy willing to pay that for the wash out girls we have is rare when he can get head for 50 (or less for a less attractive girl).

When things got really slow at the club my boss came to me again and said i should consider dancing or doing the Champagne room but i did not want to do it and reminded him of his promise. I had only ever been with my husband before how could a blow strangers in the back?? Understand, that when times are bad in a club like mine men tip me less and save what money they have to get what they can from the dancers so my tips had dried up to nearly nothing. I held out for a while but when i had no money for my kids for school and nothing for them to eat at home it got hard to say no but i kept hitting up the foodbanks for as long as i could. The girls told me i could get food stamps but i did not want anyone knowing how bad it was at home so i did not want to go there. I feared in the government knew they might take my kids after all i'd have to report where i work. Finally, i could not pay the light bill and when they shut that off I did what i had to do.

The dancing nude was not that hard to do after all. I thought i'd be ashamed but i was wrong, being around it and seeing the other girls nude for so long made it no big deal and many of the dancers there are 15-20 years older then me so i don't look to bad at all. Dancing was not the problem, it was the extras in the back room that is hard. The first guy in the champaign room with me i did an hand job on and it was hard. He had a wedding ring on and i knew at that moment i was no better then the whore who stole my husband. I tried not to think of what i was doing i just acted all sexy and hot and whispered flithy dirty talk in his ear and his breathing sped up and he got close to cumming. I could tell he was holding back to get all he could,and i whispered in his ear, "don't you wish your wife was a slut like me?? You like sluts like me don't you?? You like dirty whores that will never tell on you. You like that you can stop at some off the interstate jack shack that nearly no one knows about and use us and your pretty stupid wife at home thinks you are an honest faithful good man, but really, your a slut lover, cum for your whore, enjoy it, you paid for me so fucking cum you deserve it." and he popped all over my hands and i felt so degraded that after he paid me i went to the bathroom and quietly sobbed in a stall disgusted by who i now was. After that, because i have big boobs i tried to gear guys to body rubs (you rub your bare ass, and boobs on their exposed dick until they pop or jerk off. I was successful to get most guys to do this and i felt this was less offensive to me. I convince myself it not much more they a regular lapdance. But i am not going to lie, i have also given quite a bit of head, and because i am not as old most of the dancers of strung out on drugs like the young ones, when we do get a customer who is welling to pay enough to fuck i am usually offered it. So far i have turned down 3 of them because they were just too gross (i sent them to the druggie chicks) and i have fucked about 6 so far and yes, most of them were married. Every night i pay the price for not fucking one married man when i had the chance, not i get many married men off all week long. I hate myself at the end of a shift.

I assume, guys reading this are the kind that use women like me. I want you to know i am ashamed and deeply damaged by what it is i do for you. I need it, i am desperate, and i am thankful for the money, but everytime one of you fucks me or even just uses me to get off, no matter how much i smile or tell you i like it, i am doing that for my kids sake, so i can provide for them and no i don't like it. Yes, if you are good i might even really cum, i admit i do at times really cum, that still dose not mean i like it. Given enough stimulation my body may respond but no matter how good looking you are or how big your dick, understand you are gross to me for how you use me. Don't mistake me If you have the money, your free to use me because i need your money, but please, i beg you, don't hurt me, degrade me more then you need to so that you can pop. If you paid me you will get to cum, you don't have to hold my head down hard on it, and force me on it, i am gonna take take of your need. I beg you, don't call me horrible dirty names, or tell me how worthless i am as you are cumming, or pull my hair, or try to get more fingers me then i could possibly enjoy because when i tell you it is ok or i like that I FUCKING DON'T i just need your money but can't say that. And when your doing me in the back of that champaign room please just try to remember i am a human like your wife, or daughter or mother. I'll do what you need, we both know that, but remember this is not easy for me, and it takes away part of my being, and above all I am a human not a fuck/suck/jerk off machine. I am just and average mom, who could not make it and now i have no choice but to let you do this to me.

Sincerely, Someone's Mom.