I came out at 15.

My Dad is a marine drill instructor. My Mom teaches Sunday school. We have lived near the base all my life. My parents met when my Mom was also in the marines but she only stayed in for a few years whereas my Dad is a career marine. Both of my grandfather's were marines as well. My Dad's Dad was in Korea and my Mom's Dad was in Viet Nam. Between my parents and grandparents we could decorate a Christmas tree with all their ribbons and medals.

So needless to say, coming from a military family pretty much everyone I knew, family an classmates were all either in the marines or were married to or were the children of marines. Growing up I never met a gay person. Growing up I was raised by people who believed and taught that people were gay because they had fallen from god's grace and chose to embrace Satan and thereby chose to be gay and that anyone could be cured of being gay if only they prayed to their savior hard enough. You get the idea.

I was pretty much expected to either go right to boot camp after graduating high school or even better, get a degree, preferably from a military academy and become an officer in the marines. Honestly, I would have preferred the Navy despite family tradition. I kept that to myself. In my family it was unthinkable for anyone not to serve in the military. My uncles had all served in various branches but mostly the marines. I was the only boy and the oldest so I was the one who was expected to set an example. My father had often told me that it was his wish that he one day would salute me.

Gay was not a topic of conversation common to our family or home. It simply was not an option. It was also incompatible with military life (until recently). The few times gay was mentioned in my family it was to point out the evil sins of gay.

I realized I was gay when I was about 10 years old. I saw a boy in my 4th grade class and didn't understand why I wanted to kiss him and be with him. I also realized I didn't feel that way about any girl I ever saw. I knew this meant I was gay but the details were blurry to me. By the time I was 12 I had a stash of magazines under my mattress that usually 12 year old girls like, you know, the ones with all the hot boys posing inside. I would jerk off nearly every night imagining me being with them. At 12 I was also watching gay porn whenever I figure out how to access a computer, something we didn't have in our home.

Then when I was 15 I found a video on YouTube made by a boy my age who just came out to his parents. They were very conservative and didn't take it well and he was crying in the video. That made me very scared to come out to my parents.

What I have not told you so far is I have a younger sister who is two years younger than me. We are very close and have talked about everything except my being gay.

One day while still 15 and while my sister was 13, we were sitting around playing video games, she was beating me and the game ended and we were both home alone, Dad was at work and Mom was out grocery shopping and she turned to me very nonchalantly asked "why don't you come out to Mom and Dad??"

A chill went down my spine. I thought I would piss myself. It felt like I was sucker punched. We never once talked about it. I was never asked about my sexuality. It was always assumed there were no gay people in our family. It was assumed since we were all good saved Christians and good saved Christians didn't choose Satan. So the question floored me.

Then noticing the stunned look on my face she that she knew I was gay and had known for a few years. I was only 15 and had only known for five years. She pointed out that I kept "borrowing" her magazines and that only girls and gay boys liked a magazine filled with photos of hot looking boys. She pointed out my feminine mannerisms. She pointed out that I was always checking out guys. She pointed out that I never dated girls. She pointed out that I was the only guy she knew with perfect hair and perfect wardrobe. She pointed out the fact that my bedroom was always neat as a pin. She pointed out that I plucked my unibrow and my eye brows like a girl does. She pointed out that I had confided in her that I didn't want to go in the military that I wanted to be an artist.

She had me. She knew it. I asked her why she never ratted me out and she told me that she loved me and that she could not do that to me and that she figured I would come out when I was ready but also thought that my fears about our parents were unfounded. Amazingly wise words from a 13 year old.

So bravely, that night at the dinner table, sitting next to my sister who held my hand under that table, I took a deep breath and told my parents I had something very important to tell them. I must have had a terrified look in my eyes because my Mom, Who was sitting across from my sister turned to me and put her hand on my hand and told me that no matter what I had to say, she and my Dad loved me know matter what. With that she caressed the back of my hand reassuringly. My Dad was sitting across from me. Suddenly the look in his eyes were softer then I ever remember seeing them. His eyes were positively affectionate. I don't remember seeing that look in his eyes before. He almost always had an authoritarian harshness on his face.

Mom, Dad, I'm gay.

Mom Squeezed my right hand on the table and just gently smiled. My sister squeezed my left hand under the table. I tightened my stomach muscles in preparation for a metaphorical sucker punch from my Dad. I half expected him to stand up and up turn the table and commence to kicking my faggot ass.

My Dad took a deep breath as I held mine and he asked "Does this mean you're going to join the Navy because I was really hoping you would be a marine??" There was a twinkle in his eye but he said nothing more during dinner. It was almost as though I had asked if I could go out to a movie. Mom just smiled gently at me again and my sister let go of my hand to eat. I was trembling from all the adrenaline pumping through my body. I was prepared for the worst and it was almost a let down from the total lack of drama at the dinner table. It was almost like "Mom, Dad I'm gay" "That's nice dear pass the salt."

Dinner concluded without any indication of the bombshell I dropped.

After dinner we had movie night which usually meant my Dad would play some old war movie. Nothing was said yet and no mention of the choice of movie but that was not unusual. What was unusual was seating arrangements. Mom and Dad had their own chairs and my sis and I usually shared the sofa. I didn't mind because that gave us easier access to the coffee table where we would put the popcorn, candy and soda. It also meant a better view of the TV. My Dad had just bought a 42 inch TV to replace the old fat 32 we had. So we were eager to watch a movie on it. My dad had already watched some games on it. But this time Dad and Mom sat down on the sofa flanking me while my sis sat in Mom's recliner. I hadn't paid attention to what disk went into the player so I didn't notice until the title came up. My Mom took my left hand in her right hand. Then my dad put his hand on my knee and I turned to him. He took my right hand in both of his hands and gave me a look of parental love I don't remember ever experiencing. He then told my sister to hit play and the movie title came up. It was "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar" Except for passing popcorn and drinking soda and eating candy my parents both held my hand through the entire move with my dad switching to putting his arm around me about half way through. It was all I could do to keep from crying.

Not a word was spoken about my announcement.

The next day at breakfast my Dad reminded me that "don't ask don't tell" was repealed so there was nothing to keep me from joining the marines. Then my Dad turned to me and looked in my eyes and said, "I'm sorry I don't say this to you often enough. I just want you to know that no matter what, I love you and always will, even if you join the Navy."