I think I worship too much males organs all I can think it would be nice to have my very own penis attached to my very own man to feel his warmth inside my body.Maybe I'm so obssesed into sex and penises because my body is so ready to have sexual intercourse,I never had sex before only kisses with my previous boyfriend.I hadn't been with someone for 2 years and I really want to be with someone and lose my virginity but I'm affraid,I want so much to have sex but I'm scared that gives me goose bumps.It may be confusing and sound contradictory what I say but the more I want to be with someone and do it,I get scared and it feels like I make 1 step forward and 2 steps back.When I watch porn I feel all secure and horny and feel that in the next second(if I'd had a man) I'll become a wild beast in bed but if one guy in a bar or somewhere else tries hooking up with me I'm very insecure and shy even starts babbling.When I get home I start regreting for what I am and act.
It's so frustrating it's always the same story
and this makes me wanting a man more and more but I just can't get connected with any man face to face I always feel like running and I always find excuses to leave,then I arrive home and cry.I'm a warm hearted woman and have lots to give,but I just can't show it and a terrible fear gets my body.I don't know if this makes any sense.