I will address this to women, because it is for them.

After 30+ years of marriage my husband started fooling around and got a younger woman pregnant. I don't think it was his intention but I am pretty sure that it was hers. Because she had a child and because he was the father we had to pay child support to her, and because she was not responsible and she never had any money we paid her a maintenance payment as well, because of the child.

Although my husband said that he was not 'seeing' her, he was. His lies did not fool me, and one day I told him to just plain stop lying and tell me that he was sleeping with her. That is when she got pregnant for the second time. Which meant one more child to support and more maintenance. After she had the second child, he started to bring her over so that I could baby sit while they went out. I can't say why, because it is beyond my comprehension why, but I did baby sit for her and I wanted to have those babies with me. Maybe it was because I felt they needed a more formal home, or maybe because they just touched me in a way I don't understand. But I would much rather those babies were with me, that at some unknown babysitter.

Then I got sick, I was diagnosed with cancer. The surgery was terrible, and the follow up chemo was worse. During the whole year that I was under treatment, she took me to the doctor, she stayed with me at the doctor, she cooked for me, she kept house for me, she cared for me, she changed the bed as often as was required, she never left my side. One day when I was a bit better and the fog was lifted I asked her why she took care of me. Her answer floored me, she said 'because you are my husband's wife'. I lost my breath, what did she mean ' her husband'.

Some many weeks later, after breakfast and she was taking me for a walk to regain my strength I asked her how it was that he was her husband when he was married to me. She answered, that I was his wife and she was his wife, and so he was my husband and he was her husband.

You see, I don't really know if I understand that, but those babies, now small children, are with me almost every day. And why do I take care of them, because they are my husband's wife's children, that is why. That is the only explanation I can give.