8 years ago, I was in a relationship with an older married man, his wife had discovered us, and we were enemies. Still, I stayed in the relationship, and when we had to meet or talk, we suffered though the awkwardness and anger. I did tell her every time that I saw her that I loved him, I wanted her to know that.

Then I found out I was pregnant. For several weeks I kept it to myself, but it was eating away at me and I had to tell someone. She was the only person I could tell, so I went to see her and told her about the pregnancy. She reacted pretty much like I expected, but I was prepared to tell her that there was nothing I could do about it. But her solution was different, and she argued and convinced me to have an abortion.

She went with me and paid for the procedure. It was the worst day of my life. The minute it was done, I knew I had done the worst thing ever. When she came in to get me to take me home, we fell apart. I don't know if she lifted me or me her, we just could not stand up. The instant regret, the knowledge of what we had done together, the fact that we had not told him about my pregnancy, all these things became unbearable burdens.

This was the beginning of a new relationship, she and I got closer and closer, mother/daughter, sisters, best friends, two becoming one, we became inseparable. Our secret became our bond, and we shared it with no one. When I was fully recovered and the doctor told me that I was healthy we moved to get pregnant again, this time a joint decision, and together we sat down with him and told him that as we were in this mixed up relationship, that we should just bite the bullet and I should have at least one child of my own.

My child started school this year, she spent all of her pre-school days growing up with her, while I worked. She is picked up after school and she is loved too much. This mixed up relationship is stronger today than ever. The secret of what we did is just between us, it does not haunt me as much as it used to, but it still hurts, especially on that day.

We are not weirdoes, we are just in a situation where loving someone brought us together. We made a huge mistake that will be with us until we die. To live together, we have a schedule and an arrangement to manage our day to day, it is not hard or difficult, mostly we share everything, we talk every day, our lives are lived with everyone in mind.

Do I wish that I had never made that mistake, every single day of my life. The only way I can try to make that right is by living my life every day.