I grew up in a home with lots of issues. My older sister is my mother. She had me when she was 14. There are pictures of her holding me and feeding me. She has told me that her mother made her breastfeed me as punishment and that it was really hard because I was difficult, but her mother wouldn't let her off the hook and I wasn't feeding and she was scared I was going to die. Eventually I got the hang of it and she breast fed me until I was nine months old. When I was three I had a reaction to some food and I stopped breathing and she was so scared that I was dying, she ran next door to the neighbor and the neighbor took us to the hospital.

By the time I started talking my grandmother made me call her as my mother and my mother as my sister, and that is how I grew up, with an older sister. When my mother got old enough she got married and moved away and I was left with my grandmother. I felt abandoned. It is hard to explain how close I was to my mother, because no matter what my grandmother said, I knew she was my real mother and I would go to her room and get in bed with her and that is where we would talk. We always talked about her being able to leave and taking me with her. But when she got married I wasn't able to go with her.

After that we always behaved as sisters, and her husband was not told about us.

One day after I was grown up and on my own, she called me and asked me to come over to her house. Of course I went, when I was there her husband was there and we sat down and she told me that she had confessed to her husband that she was my mother and she wanted me to confirm that. He divorced her.

My mother and I live together now, neither one of us cares much for dating or men right now. We don't pretend anything, I call her Mom and she introduces me as her daughter. It is just a shame that we had to be grown up and away from my grandmother to be able to be mother and daughter.

I want to say this, my mother loved me the day I was born and she was a little girl with a mother who made her feel very bad about it. It is because of how she treated my mother that I just can't be close to my grandmother anymore. I don't think she will ever realize how horrible she was with my mother.

I have sworn this to myself, if one day I am fortunate enough to have my own daughter I will love her as much as my mom loves me. I will never give her up. I love my mom, and right now I am going to spend every minute I can with her.

I know this is not a confession.