Gay Male / 27
Military Family
When our parents graduated college dad joined the military where he remained for 25 years. My older brother was born in Yokosuka, Japan and 23 month late I was born in Naples, Italy. Until I graduated high school we lived in: Monterey and San Diego, California, Okinawa, Japan, Honolulu, Hawaii, Busan, Korea, Virginia Beach, Virginia and when I was 13 dad was reassigned to Naples, Italy for 3 years (the longest dad was ever stationed at any one base).
My brother and I both attended college in southern California and when we graduated, to keep peace in the family and carry on a long tradition, we joined the military. My brother was discharged 2 years ago and I was discharged last year. Our father was disappointed, and very upset, that we aren't going to be career military men...and our mom was delighted.
What our parents didn't know was my brother and I are both gay. Our greatest fear was telling our dad we were gay. We felt mom would be the most understanding and dad would go into a rag probably beat the crap our of both of us. We love our parents and respect them very much and considered not telling them anything. However, the pressure regarding "finding the right girl" is a constant topic of conversation when we talk. My brother and I share a house on one coast and plan to remain here so our parents, who live on the other coast, are preparing to relocate to be near us...and their grandchildren.
We were prepared to tell them Christmas (the day we were to leave) but relatives came in unannounced so we aborted our plan. Last week our parents arrived to look for property and we decided we had to come out to them both; the plan was toward the end of their visit. However, their second day here they found a house and made a offer. So, that night after dinner we decided we had to tell them. I cannot express the reservations and fear which consumed us both as we decided that night was the time to tell them.
After dinner we told them we needed to talk to them and set them beside each other on the sofa. At the same time we both said, "we are gay and there will be no grandchildren... and any in-laws will be the same sex." Mom's mouth dropped open, she put her fist over her heart and her eyes got really wide...she was speechless. Dad adjusted himself in his seat (I was concerned he was coming after me as I was sitting the closest) but he didn't. He was speechless as he folded in hands in his lap. Mom and dad were both pale to the point I thought mom was about to faint. Dad looked at both of us and said, I love you both...UNCONDITIONALLY! All I want is you to be yourselves and to be happy. Now, my brother and I are about to faint! This was not the reaction we expected or anticipated from dad. Then he said, I've suspected this since we lived in Naples when you were both teens. Mom jumped to her feet shaking her hands at dad for not sharing that with her and then she turned toward us. Mom was screaming, her hands and arms waving all over the place. She was all but incoherent between her screams at dad and us. We didn't expect mom's reaction. Dad stood, grabbed her by her shoulders shaking her and she finally calmed down. I've never seen my mom so angry - ever.
The next hour was tense as mom went on and one about what would the family think when they learned both her sons were gay. How she would never have grandchildren and blamed it on dad being so involved with his work that he didn't spend enough time with us. Far be that from the truth; that was not a factor I our being gay. After mom's 4th Johnny Walker and Water she had calmed down, kissed us good night and dad took her to bed. A few minute later dad came out to talk to us. We were not sure what was about to happen, but it turned into a 4 hour conversation.
We saw our dad in a complete different light that night and no one coming out could ask for a more positive reaction and support. The two things he forbid every telling mom is that we have fooled around and that dad admitted he played around when he was a teen too...and a few times since. I think he needed to tell that to someone who would understand.. never thinking it would be his sons. Dad asked a lot of questions and we answered honestly which has resulted in a new appreciation and love for dad. Mom was more upset with dad than us, but it all came as a shock as there are no sings we are gay.
My brother and I have had sex on 3 different continents with each other, civilians and military men. Being gay isn't a learned trait its as natural for a gay as straight sex for a straight man. Gay men and women have existed since the beginning to time and they live in every country on the face of the earth, live and work in the military , government, politics, Wall Street to Main Street, in every economic and educational level known to man. It isn't a choice it's being who you are and who God created you to be. Even in the days of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" people are fearful to be honest regarding their true selves and its because no one wants to be rejected or
ostracized...by family and friends.
I'm a proud gay America; educated, former military patriot, the son of a career Military man and women, tax paying, law abiding, home owner, masculine jock who prefers sex with men. And there are a lot more out there and those who come out of the closet we wish for you the positive reinforcement we have received from our parents...and the most support comes from the one we anticipated the most harsh reaction. Perhaps dad is right: "we are in a new time and generation... and the elections of a black man has given the oppressed minorities, of all classifications, a renewed hope where we may exist in a mutual respect for each other - regardless.
When our parents graduated college dad joined the military where he remained for 25 years. My older brother was born in Yokosuka, Japan and 23 month late I was born in Naples, Italy. Until I graduated high school we lived in: Monterey and San Diego, California, Okinawa, Japan, Honolulu, Hawaii, Busan, Korea, Virginia Beach, Virginia and when I was 13 dad was reassigned to Naples, Italy for 3 years (the longest dad was ever stationed at any one base).
My brother and I both attended college in southern California and when we graduated, to keep peace in the family and carry on a long tradition, we joined the military. My brother was discharged 2 years ago and I was discharged last year. Our father was disappointed, and very upset, that we aren't going to be career military men...and our mom was delighted.
What our parents didn't know was my brother and I are both gay. Our greatest fear was telling our dad we were gay. We felt mom would be the most understanding and dad would go into a rag probably beat the crap our of both of us. We love our parents and respect them very much and considered not telling them anything. However, the pressure regarding "finding the right girl" is a constant topic of conversation when we talk. My brother and I share a house on one coast and plan to remain here so our parents, who live on the other coast, are preparing to relocate to be near us...and their grandchildren.
We were prepared to tell them Christmas (the day we were to leave) but relatives came in unannounced so we aborted our plan. Last week our parents arrived to look for property and we decided we had to come out to them both; the plan was toward the end of their visit. However, their second day here they found a house and made a offer. So, that night after dinner we decided we had to tell them. I cannot express the reservations and fear which consumed us both as we decided that night was the time to tell them.
After dinner we told them we needed to talk to them and set them beside each other on the sofa. At the same time we both said, "we are gay and there will be no grandchildren... and any in-laws will be the same sex." Mom's mouth dropped open, she put her fist over her heart and her eyes got really wide...she was speechless. Dad adjusted himself in his seat (I was concerned he was coming after me as I was sitting the closest) but he didn't. He was speechless as he folded in hands in his lap. Mom and dad were both pale to the point I thought mom was about to faint. Dad looked at both of us and said, I love you both...UNCONDITIONALLY! All I want is you to be yourselves and to be happy. Now, my brother and I are about to faint! This was not the reaction we expected or anticipated from dad. Then he said, I've suspected this since we lived in Naples when you were both teens. Mom jumped to her feet shaking her hands at dad for not sharing that with her and then she turned toward us. Mom was screaming, her hands and arms waving all over the place. She was all but incoherent between her screams at dad and us. We didn't expect mom's reaction. Dad stood, grabbed her by her shoulders shaking her and she finally calmed down. I've never seen my mom so angry - ever.
The next hour was tense as mom went on and one about what would the family think when they learned both her sons were gay. How she would never have grandchildren and blamed it on dad being so involved with his work that he didn't spend enough time with us. Far be that from the truth; that was not a factor I our being gay. After mom's 4th Johnny Walker and Water she had calmed down, kissed us good night and dad took her to bed. A few minute later dad came out to talk to us. We were not sure what was about to happen, but it turned into a 4 hour conversation.
We saw our dad in a complete different light that night and no one coming out could ask for a more positive reaction and support. The two things he forbid every telling mom is that we have fooled around and that dad admitted he played around when he was a teen too...and a few times since. I think he needed to tell that to someone who would understand.. never thinking it would be his sons. Dad asked a lot of questions and we answered honestly which has resulted in a new appreciation and love for dad. Mom was more upset with dad than us, but it all came as a shock as there are no sings we are gay.
My brother and I have had sex on 3 different continents with each other, civilians and military men. Being gay isn't a learned trait its as natural for a gay as straight sex for a straight man. Gay men and women have existed since the beginning to time and they live in every country on the face of the earth, live and work in the military , government, politics, Wall Street to Main Street, in every economic and educational level known to man. It isn't a choice it's being who you are and who God created you to be. Even in the days of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" people are fearful to be honest regarding their true selves and its because no one wants to be rejected or
ostracized...by family and friends.
I'm a proud gay America; educated, former military patriot, the son of a career Military man and women, tax paying, law abiding, home owner, masculine jock who prefers sex with men. And there are a lot more out there and those who come out of the closet we wish for you the positive reinforcement we have received from our parents...and the most support comes from the one we anticipated the most harsh reaction. Perhaps dad is right: "we are in a new time and generation... and the elections of a black man has given the oppressed minorities, of all classifications, a renewed hope where we may exist in a mutual respect for each other - regardless.
