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When I Was A Kid
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Straight Female / 43
For the first time in my life I'm involved in a truly loving relationship and just got engaged last week to a wonderful guy. He knows nothing of my disgraceful past and nothing about my childhood which I am sure was partly responsible for my way of life. I grew uo in LA and moved to the east coast four years ago, clean and sober. I spent my late teens, 20's and most of my 30's as a prostitute and drug addict. I was arrested numerous times and over a 20 year period spent a total of 32 months in prison for prostitution and drug violations. It makes me sick today thinking back to all the men I had sex with over those years and the demoralizing and degrading things I submitted to. There were bleak times when I was so hard up for drugs that I would either jerk off guys or blow them for as little as $10 or $20. There were 4 times when I was beaten and r**ed and for 2 years I worked under a pimp who also beat me and forced sex with me. My existence since I was a small kid involved sex and my first time with drugs was when I was only 12. It started with weed and eventually I was supplied with pills that I had no idea what they were. My mother was also a drug addict since as early as I can remember and even today I don't know and never met my father. My mother had many boyfriends and I'm not sure how old I was when she hooked up with Reggie who is the one responsible for initiating me to sex. My mother was high most of the time but she had to know but obviousley didn't care that I was being sexually abused by Reggie. He had me totally under his control by the age of 9 and continued it until I was about 18 when I moved out and began prostituting myself along with a friend.
The sex with Reggie started with nudity and by the time I was 7 or 8 I was accustom to seeing him naked every day of the week. Even in the presence of my mother he would go around the house nude and she wouldn't say a word knowing he would beat her if she gave him a hard time about anything. I saw him having sex with my mother many times and seing her giving him oral sex while my mother was so spaced out I doubt she knew I was watching them. The first time Reggie purposely took me into their bedroom with my mother naked and passed out on the bed. I remember not wanting to stay but he made me watch as he had intercouse with her. Shortly after that was when he began making me get undressed and basically just touching my body. I also began fearing him because if I disobeyed him he would make me bend over naked and spank me with his belt. I don't really remember well if I was embarrassed when I was naked in front of him but think I just went along with it to keep him happy. Most of the time he treated me well and as long as I obeyed him I knew I wouldn't be beaten. The first time there was real sexual contact he came in my room naked one night and made me jerk him off showing me how to do it. I had just turn 9 and remember it so well because it was the night after my birthday. After that night I began jerking him off 2 or 3 times a week mostly when my mother was in bed but often during the day when she was awake and downstairs. He did touch my body and rub my vagina but it was many months later when he actually began trying to get me aroused. I'm not sure exactly when but do remember one night when I did get aroused by the way he was fingering me and eventually began giving me oral sex. I didn't know what it was at the time but believe it was my first orgasm. This is hard to admit but I liked him doing it to me and soon it became even more sexual with him.
Reggie had me compleltely under his control and a few nights a week he came into my room where we masturbated each other and he would give me oral sex. Again I'm not sure what age I was but he began having me give him oral sex and started by putting honey and sometimes syrup on his penis. I didn't like doing it but was afraid not to knowing he would be angry with me. What I really didn't like was when he would cum because the taste made me sick. He never forced me to swallow it and let me spit it out but I just hated it. He didn't cum in my mouth all the time but when he did he never warned me. Other times he would pull out to cum and often would intentionally do it in my face. The worst thing I think is the fact I liked him playing with me and I liked having orgasms sometimes 2 or 3 in one night. He would also have me masturbate myself sometimes just sitting there watching me telling me where to rub myself. This went on for several years and by that time I had no scrupples about him seeing me naked and I enjoyed having him masturbate me and give me oral sex. The first time he had intercouse with me I was scared but evidently my hymen had already been broken because I had no pain or bleeding, I was 14. That year we had sex together several times a week and when we had intercouse he always wore a condom. As time went on he didn't come in my room at night as often but still did once or twice a week. By thet time I was having sex with some of the boys at school and to be honest liked it. By the time I graduated high school I was a whore and probably had sex with more than a dozen guys. My friend Debbie was having sex with a lot of guys also and she is the one who suggested prostitution. Thats when things really went downhill and I began using crack and prescription drugs daily. Reggie had been supplying me with some pills and weed for a long time but the crack is what did me in the most. Debbie and I got our own apartment and although we did make a lot of money for many years the bulk of it was spent on drugs. The sex I used to like became an ordeal with each john and the more drugs I took the worse it got. Some of thes men are vicious and cruel and many times I was treated roughly and forced to submit to anal sex. By the time I was 36 or 37 the drugs had me down to 115 pounds and got locked up for posession.
That was the last time I was in jail but ended up being there for 11 months. By that time I was dried out and made up my mind not to go back to what I was. While in prison I read a lot and learned more than I probably did in high school. When I got out I was just 38, stayed off the drugs ever since and never prostituted myself again. I hadn't seen my mother in almost ten years and now today don't even know where she is or if she is still with Reggie. The last I heard she had moved to Oakland but don't know if she is still there. I moved to the east coast 4 years ago and met Jim 3 years ago. Its the best thing that ever happened to me and I am deeply in love with him. I have a decent job and although I don't make a real good salary I like it very much. I'm getting married in June and finally feel respectable and healthy. The sex I have with Jim is terrific and I finally like having sex once again. I still can't believe how stupid I was for so many years and regret ever getting involed with drugs and especially prostitution. I still like my wine but now I don't even smoke weed and never take pills. It seems like I was in a daze over those years and still believe some of the blame for my behaviour in life belongs to Reggie. I feel and look better than I ever did and in no way would I ever consider using drugs again.
The sex with Reggie started with nudity and by the time I was 7 or 8 I was accustom to seeing him naked every day of the week. Even in the presence of my mother he would go around the house nude and she wouldn't say a word knowing he would beat her if she gave him a hard time about anything. I saw him having sex with my mother many times and seing her giving him oral sex while my mother was so spaced out I doubt she knew I was watching them. The first time Reggie purposely took me into their bedroom with my mother naked and passed out on the bed. I remember not wanting to stay but he made me watch as he had intercouse with her. Shortly after that was when he began making me get undressed and basically just touching my body. I also began fearing him because if I disobeyed him he would make me bend over naked and spank me with his belt. I don't really remember well if I was embarrassed when I was naked in front of him but think I just went along with it to keep him happy. Most of the time he treated me well and as long as I obeyed him I knew I wouldn't be beaten. The first time there was real sexual contact he came in my room naked one night and made me jerk him off showing me how to do it. I had just turn 9 and remember it so well because it was the night after my birthday. After that night I began jerking him off 2 or 3 times a week mostly when my mother was in bed but often during the day when she was awake and downstairs. He did touch my body and rub my vagina but it was many months later when he actually began trying to get me aroused. I'm not sure exactly when but do remember one night when I did get aroused by the way he was fingering me and eventually began giving me oral sex. I didn't know what it was at the time but believe it was my first orgasm. This is hard to admit but I liked him doing it to me and soon it became even more sexual with him.
Reggie had me compleltely under his control and a few nights a week he came into my room where we masturbated each other and he would give me oral sex. Again I'm not sure what age I was but he began having me give him oral sex and started by putting honey and sometimes syrup on his penis. I didn't like doing it but was afraid not to knowing he would be angry with me. What I really didn't like was when he would cum because the taste made me sick. He never forced me to swallow it and let me spit it out but I just hated it. He didn't cum in my mouth all the time but when he did he never warned me. Other times he would pull out to cum and often would intentionally do it in my face. The worst thing I think is the fact I liked him playing with me and I liked having orgasms sometimes 2 or 3 in one night. He would also have me masturbate myself sometimes just sitting there watching me telling me where to rub myself. This went on for several years and by that time I had no scrupples about him seeing me naked and I enjoyed having him masturbate me and give me oral sex. The first time he had intercouse with me I was scared but evidently my hymen had already been broken because I had no pain or bleeding, I was 14. That year we had sex together several times a week and when we had intercouse he always wore a condom. As time went on he didn't come in my room at night as often but still did once or twice a week. By thet time I was having sex with some of the boys at school and to be honest liked it. By the time I graduated high school I was a whore and probably had sex with more than a dozen guys. My friend Debbie was having sex with a lot of guys also and she is the one who suggested prostitution. Thats when things really went downhill and I began using crack and prescription drugs daily. Reggie had been supplying me with some pills and weed for a long time but the crack is what did me in the most. Debbie and I got our own apartment and although we did make a lot of money for many years the bulk of it was spent on drugs. The sex I used to like became an ordeal with each john and the more drugs I took the worse it got. Some of thes men are vicious and cruel and many times I was treated roughly and forced to submit to anal sex. By the time I was 36 or 37 the drugs had me down to 115 pounds and got locked up for posession.
That was the last time I was in jail but ended up being there for 11 months. By that time I was dried out and made up my mind not to go back to what I was. While in prison I read a lot and learned more than I probably did in high school. When I got out I was just 38, stayed off the drugs ever since and never prostituted myself again. I hadn't seen my mother in almost ten years and now today don't even know where she is or if she is still with Reggie. The last I heard she had moved to Oakland but don't know if she is still there. I moved to the east coast 4 years ago and met Jim 3 years ago. Its the best thing that ever happened to me and I am deeply in love with him. I have a decent job and although I don't make a real good salary I like it very much. I'm getting married in June and finally feel respectable and healthy. The sex I have with Jim is terrific and I finally like having sex once again. I still can't believe how stupid I was for so many years and regret ever getting involed with drugs and especially prostitution. I still like my wine but now I don't even smoke weed and never take pills. It seems like I was in a daze over those years and still believe some of the blame for my behaviour in life belongs to Reggie. I feel and look better than I ever did and in no way would I ever consider using drugs again.
