Lesbian Female / 28
I come from a very conservative family and there are some topics that are just not allowed and behaviors that are not allowed. You are born and your sole mission in life is grow up and get married and have children. Everyone does that. No exceptions.
But my growing up years were not quite so simple. I never had a crush on a boy, but I did have a crush on a girl. I don't mean just a passing crush, she was part of me, and we did it together. We felt guilty of the sin of having done it, but as guilty as we felt we did it over and over again, all through growing up, from the first time we did it, until now when we are full grown and babies have been pulled out of us.
Him having a wife, a much younger wife, is a lesser sin that our being with each other. And rather than allowing us to be a couple, I was conveniently married to him because he could easily afford, and his first wife passed away when she was real young in complications of child birth. So rather than he remain childless, why not give him one of those two women.
Before we got married we were give the choice, you do have a choice to deny getting married, but why say no to the only chance you have for happiness? We were never going to be allowed to be together. You know who pushed this whole set up, my mother's mother. It was she that sat us down and told us that we were not to do what we did, and we needed to straighten out our lives and because of our behavior I was to have an older, very much stronger man who could see to it that I was a proper wife. We were being punished together for our terrible ways and we would suffer together my marriage to this old man.
When he came to see us, at my grandmother's home, she exalted my fertility. Not my looks, not my intelligence, not my industriousness, not my education, none of that, my grandmother showed me off to him and told him I was very fertile and he would have no problems.
That is how our wedding was arranged. And this is how the house I was taken to was arranged.
Now you would think that being married to an old man would be the worst thing on earth, but it isn't. First he is well able to maintain me and he is not so old as to not be able to give children to me.
And one night right after we were married I was very depressed and he drug out of me the loneliness I felt because my girl friend and I were separated. And he said to me, that if it was meant for us to be together, he would much rather I was happy and not a sullen wife. And so he offered her the position in his house as governess to his children. And we were brought together to be together and she is here with me to help with my children, and to bear the shame of having become an unwed mother to my husband, who gave her a child of her own to care for along side my children.
So one afternoon, we were getting ready for a festival and we had taken the girls to my grandmother's to be dressed and made up and my grandmother touched my friend on the face and told her that she was to be a good wife to her granddaughter. To never leave her granddaughter's side. And then she turned to help her great granddaughters get ready for the festival.
But my growing up years were not quite so simple. I never had a crush on a boy, but I did have a crush on a girl. I don't mean just a passing crush, she was part of me, and we did it together. We felt guilty of the sin of having done it, but as guilty as we felt we did it over and over again, all through growing up, from the first time we did it, until now when we are full grown and babies have been pulled out of us.
Him having a wife, a much younger wife, is a lesser sin that our being with each other. And rather than allowing us to be a couple, I was conveniently married to him because he could easily afford, and his first wife passed away when she was real young in complications of child birth. So rather than he remain childless, why not give him one of those two women.
Before we got married we were give the choice, you do have a choice to deny getting married, but why say no to the only chance you have for happiness? We were never going to be allowed to be together. You know who pushed this whole set up, my mother's mother. It was she that sat us down and told us that we were not to do what we did, and we needed to straighten out our lives and because of our behavior I was to have an older, very much stronger man who could see to it that I was a proper wife. We were being punished together for our terrible ways and we would suffer together my marriage to this old man.
When he came to see us, at my grandmother's home, she exalted my fertility. Not my looks, not my intelligence, not my industriousness, not my education, none of that, my grandmother showed me off to him and told him I was very fertile and he would have no problems.
That is how our wedding was arranged. And this is how the house I was taken to was arranged.
Now you would think that being married to an old man would be the worst thing on earth, but it isn't. First he is well able to maintain me and he is not so old as to not be able to give children to me.
And one night right after we were married I was very depressed and he drug out of me the loneliness I felt because my girl friend and I were separated. And he said to me, that if it was meant for us to be together, he would much rather I was happy and not a sullen wife. And so he offered her the position in his house as governess to his children. And we were brought together to be together and she is here with me to help with my children, and to bear the shame of having become an unwed mother to my husband, who gave her a child of her own to care for along side my children.
So one afternoon, we were getting ready for a festival and we had taken the girls to my grandmother's to be dressed and made up and my grandmother touched my friend on the face and told her that she was to be a good wife to her granddaughter. To never leave her granddaughter's side. And then she turned to help her great granddaughters get ready for the festival.
