Hey - Chill out- it's not that hard. Get the plastic applicator type (NOT the type you have to stuff up there with your fingers) Your family is DIS FUCK tional. Yapping about your personal problems like that- UNLESS- you are under your dad's care cus your mom isn't around. In that case, your dad probably didn't know what to do and asked for help. Just get the plastic applicator, it shoots right up there if you stick it in deep enough, everything will be ok, and this will become a long forgotten memory. It's a big thing to you right now, but when you get older you will realize, "This is just life" No biggie, chill out, live in the moment and don't let your past ruin your future
P.S.- Your favorite boy cousins probably don't talk to you anymore because they have been caught spanking the monkey and their sheets stick together. They probably got the same treatment.If you live in the south, they probably think you are too old to have sex with because their child would also be their second cousin as well as son/daughter