how it started, i was having trouble accepting myself, i knew that i was a lesbian, but only to me. i had never crusched on a guy, but yes on girls, but only from far away. i had never acted out on it, as they say.

i spent all college in this world of not being who i was, i dated guys to fit in, but of course that never went anywhere, and i was scared to date girls.

at my job i fell hard on a girl that worked there. whe was miss bubly, miss beautiful, miss in the inner circle, miss everything, miss popular, so totally out of my league, but i had fallen for her so bad.

i had to work close to my supervisor, a middle aged man, and for whatever reason i got along with him. one day, i just broke down and told him that i thought i was a lesbian, i came out to him. he asked me lots of questions, questions that i knew the answer to but was scared to answer, but he insisted until i just decided to tell him everything, from when i was a little girl. i told him about every crush i had, about how scared i was, about my parents, i just told him everything i had never had the guts to tell anyone. and after he heard me he told me i was normal, i just had a different orientation, but i was normal. i then told him about how i felt about the girl at work.

he encouraged me to make friends with her, that if i did, maybe i would find out about her orientation, she wasn't married, and who knew. i felt he was crazy, this girl would not be lesbian, at all. couldn't be, she was every man's dream, she was going to be a wife and have four kids, she was not a lesbian, i knew that.

but he didn't let me off the hook, he pressured me until one day he 'arranged' for a meeting where we both attended, and then he 'arranged' for a project for both of us to work on. he put me in direct contact with her, so we had to spend time together. he sent us to lunch together, so we could 'work' on the project, he put her in my face every day, and i just could not act. how do you ask someone if they are a lesbian?


but he did not stop pressuring me, he told me that if i didn't act i would regret it, that when you are that much in love with someone you have to take the chance. by then we had worked on this project for several weeks, and i got up the courage to come out to her. i just said one day sitting in her office that i wanted her to know that i was a lesbian. that i had never been with a woman, but that i was a lesbian and i didn't know what to do. i didn't want to offend her, but she should know.

well, she said she knew, she knew the day i started to work there, she never had any doubts, she knew, so it wasn't a surprise. she told me that when she came out it was to her sister, and yes she liked me too.

i am not sure how or what is going to happen, but she and i are friends, and we share this set of feelings. she had a girlfriend in college but that is over.

one step at a time. one step at a time.