I was lonely and thought that a cruise would do me good. I met a guy on board and he pushed his way into my room after dinner. We had met at the bar and I had too much to drink. He took his penis out and told me suck him. His penis got totally erect, and he kept shoving it towards me. He pushed me onto the bed and stood in front of me with his penis in my face and told me to open up and suck him. I don't know what happened, but I got this urge to just take his penis in my mouth and suck him. The urge got bigger once I felt his penis in my mouth. He pushed me back on the bed and laid up beside me and told me to keep sucking his penis, and he undid my pants and started to suck my penis. He had sex with me, and I let him.

This is the only time I have done something like this. It is all I think about now, I want to do it again, I look at guys and imagine what their penis looks like and how it would feel to suck them. I think I'm gay, I just never knew it. I catch myself in public restrooms looking at men's penises. I joined a gay dating sight, but I am scared and after I make a contact I break it off. A couple of times I agreed to meet a guy at a motel, but I just sat in the car and didn't go in. I masturbate a lot, I day dream about the night on the cruise, I can see his penis in my face and I dream of slowly opening my mouth and sucking him.

I really want to have sex again, I close my eyes and want to have it again. I know I am gay, I guess I have always been gay.