I have always liked women, but over the past three years I have had an obsession with fantasizing about being with a dominant black man.

I love the idea of being submissive to him and letting him have his way with me. I want him to totally own me as his bottom boy. When I masturbate this is usually the only thing I think about. I don't know what's come over me but the idea of wearing girl clothes and having him spank and fuck me drive me insane.

I have been with another man only once and it wasn't a great experience. He was an older white man (I'm white as well) but it wasn't great.

No one has any clue about any of this as I have not told anyone. I'm not sure what to do. I have bought several black dildos and used them to great pleasure, but I end up throwing them away because I don't know if that's what I really want. But I guess it is, because I can't stop thinking about it and being put in the most kinky sex positions possible. Its even kinkier still that no one really knows that I secretly think about this a lot.

I do have a small penis and its been hard to sexually satisfy a women, but it makes it even kinkier in the sense that I have the best orgasms when I am using a dildo. I love my prostrate stimulated and the thought of a dominant black lover driving me to orgasm turns me on to no end.

I've had two relationships with women but that's it. I still see hot girls and think they're attractive but I'm just not as eager to pursue them anymore.

Anyway, I'm not really sure what to do. I'm definitely not ready for anyone to know this about me. I also dont want my asshole permantenly ruined by a large black cock but it would just feel so fucking good.