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Straight Male / 33

This is not a confession, far from it. I'm mearly here for a consult if you will. I by no means am a predator, or have any sexual cravings pertinent to this post. I'm a single dad of 3 children 12 1/2 yr old daughter, 2 boys 7 and 9. I lost my wife to a car accident 3 years ago, and my mother, and grand mother due to a heart attack. I grew up in a house hold of 3 brothers. Aunts and female cousins are rare in our family, and if they are female they have not led the best lives to educate me on this topic. I was wondering how to approach my daughter about sex. How old does she have to be to start feeling horny and the need to explore her body? I've noticed her choice of cloths are more revealing, and oddly enough instead of trying to wear them out to school, or an outing with friends (which I'd assume a pre-teen would do) she only wears them when she's with me, not just when we are going to go out for dinner, or family time events. But even when we are going to stay home or even on cleaning day. She has never once tried to wear them out and about when she wouldn't be in my presence. I have made comments and suggestions to what is and is not appropriate, and that seems to make her cheat the clothing even more. Is and would she really be trying to come on to me? How do I correct this and should I be worried? I'm scared to even have the sex talk with her, because if this is her mind set. I don't want to open the door even further in her mind. Please help and comment I'm just a scared single dad dealing with his little girl coming of age. I don't want to break our bond we currently have, no child should be without their mother, let alone a father as well. Thank you very much for those who understand and do comment and make suggestions.

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# 23607 - by Anonymous / May 1, 2015
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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 1, 2015 at 5:39 PM

I'm a father. I raised two daughters, and after a divorce, I'm now with a girlfriend who has a 13.5 yr old daughter. Has your daughter started her period? I think you need to know and have that talk with her about puberty. There are plenty of books that could help. I'd keep any chats educational, not sexy. If you're up tight about it, she'll probably feel up tight. But it doesn't have to be that way.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 3, 2015 at 2:27 AM

I am a 23 year old woman. My parents divorced when I was 7. Mom got the house, the car and the bank account. Dad got me. Dad says he got the better end of the bargain. I hardly saw Mom after the divorce and the last time I saw her I was ten.

First of all, not only is it NOT too early, it may be a bit late. Generally girls become curious about sex about two years earlier than boys. That corresponds with the fact that we reach puberty about two years earlier. But that is a generality. Girls can begin puberty at nine or in rare cases as young as five. I strongly urge you to have a conversation with her regarding the clinical aspects of reproduction and female body. Obtain a couple of books on the topic and ask her doctor for related material. They will most likely be able to point you in the correct direction. If you speak calmly and take the position that you are providing her with information she needs to know and tell her you acknowledge she may already know all this and to just humor you and listen anyways. Make sure you avoid interrogating her on her sexuality or sexual activities. Don't ask "have you sucked dick yet?" That will be awkward for both of you. Simply provide her with information regarding the possible risks involved.

My Dad didn't know what to tell me about my period so he consulted my school nurse. I was ten at the time. She assured him that later that year they would show a film that taught a girl all she needed to know about the menstrual cycle. She then told him that all he needed to do was give me money and take me to the store to pick out what I needed or offer to go to the store form me and buy what I requested. Since the cashier was a woman I opted to buy my pads myself and accepted an allowance for "personal needs." I really didn't need my dad knowing exactly what I needed. He always gave me extra and told me that nobody would stop me from purchasing condoms or other grown up things that were out on the shelves. Between sex ed in school and the books my dad bought me (about 20 books all together by the time he got through) and the talks he had with me and what I found on the internet I learned what I needed to know. Much of what my Dad told me was a how boys thought about girls and tricks they use to get us to put out and that was actually very useful to know about.

It is very common for girls to have a sort of crush on their Dad. The best thing to remember is that you are their Dad and not their best bud. This does not mean you should not have an appropriately affectionate and friendly relationship. Just don't do things to lead her to think there is a possibility of romance. Some girls really do fall in love with their fathers and some fathers unintentionally give the impression that the feelings are returned. Spend time with her but don't over due it. If you are the only male in her life then you are the one her affections will be directed towards. It is good for her to be affectionate with her Dad. But it is not good if Dad is the only male she shows affection for. Every parent feels different about this but my Dad let me go to school dances since 6th grade. They were well chaperoned and my dad drove me to the dance and drove me home. I was allowed to have a boy friend as of age 12 but I first masturbated while thinking about boys at age ten. Some girls will become curious even younger. I think around 11 is average but when I was 10 there was a really cute boy who kept telling me that I was the sexiest girl in school and I think that stimulated my fantasies a little younger than average. I dated three different boys when I was twelve and by dating I mean I went to school dances and Dad let them come over for visits. I was limited to a maximum of two hours per day with a boy in my room but the door had to be open. I was permitted a maximum of ten minutes alone with a boy with the door closed per day. That was just about long enough to do a little necking but not enough to get into any real trouble. I was permitted to double date as a freshman in high school but I had a 9pm curfew and I was not permitted to date any one who was more than 18 months older than me. I was only permitted a maximum of three hours on a date and I was under threat of having added restrictions if my grades suffered. Each successive year in high school my curfew was extended and I was permitted longer and longer dates. I was 18 as of prom so Dad paid for a hotel room. Some Dad's like to place severe restrictions on their daughter's dating activities. But if you do, you might run the risk of your daughter looking for affection elsewhere and by elsewhere I mean the males in her life. carefully observe how she interacts with other males.

As for her wardrobe choices. At 12 she is experimenting and yes, she is consciously trying to be sexy. She may not be brave enough to go out in something sexy while she may be brave enough to try wearing sexy clothes at home. Don't be afraid to gently offer her your opinion on her wardrobe choices. Explain that she can look sexy without looking slutty and explain the difference. At 12 she wants boys to find her sexy. But she does not have enough experience yet to fully grasp the difference between sexy and slutty. Many girls don't learn the difference until their mid teens. Don't be afraid to buy her a subscription to magazines that teach about fashion. Often this topic is taught in such magazines and she will accept the credibility of a teen fashion magazine over her own dad when it comes to fashion, unless you are a fashion designer. What ever you do, don't creep her out by telling her that her choice of clothes are making you horny. If you do that she will never feel comfortable with her every day clothes on in front of you and she will hide from you what she wears outside the house. She will likely wear very frumpy clothes at home but then very slutty clothes when out with her friends. The most important thing you should know about girls and fashion is that girls down't wear clothes for boys, they wear clothes to impress their female friends. Use that.

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