I want to quietly slip away. I don't want to hurt anybody or leave a pang in anyone's heart. I feel like I'm in a bus, full of people standing and sitting during peak hour traffic. If I were to simply disappear from the picture, no one would notice. Someone might even be grateful for the absence. More room for them.
I'm trying to work out the art of removing one's self from the world with minimal damage. Without tearing the pages. All I can think of are stickers on newly brought books that peel away so nicely leaving no trace behind. What is a subtle way to say I want to be on my own for an eternity? How can you let the people that love you know that I must leave because if I stay I'll continue being hurt.
That's how it is right now. When I'm around anyone I hurt. I burn. I've realized that they could get the exact same love from anyone really. I'm perfunctory. I'm replaceable. I think knowing that hurts a great deal more than my absence ever would.

~~~

But at the same time I want to be close. I want to be closer to her than I have ever been before. I want to meet the place in her heart and in mine that is new and also at the same time a place that has been waiting for the both of us since we were born.
One attempt at shutting myself away and I burst into tears. I lied to myself. I don't want to go away. I want to be here, for her.
I don't know how to proceed with my day, with anyone really.