In my world it is not easy to find out about this.

First I want to say that I am probably a lesbian, I am a lesbian. That is my natural state. My natural attraction is to other women, always has been, and in my school days and college days I so called experimented with other women, curiously I did not go out with boys or experiment with them. I can also say that in school I was very much in love with this one girl, we were very much best friends forever, and we experimented with each other. She is a lesbian and lives openly with another woman. So I don't doubt that I am a lesbian by nature.

Actually I never had a problem with that, like I said I never dated boys.

But here is what happened. When I turned 30 I had lots of friends, and I had this one close friendship with another woman, although we did not live together because she was a lot older. Through her I met this older man. Older, like 20 years older than me. We became friends, because we found ourselves in the same social circle because of my lady friend that I talked about.

One day we were at this party and he and me were talking on the patio and he told me that I had to stop being a lesbian and get my life in order and get married and have a family like everyone else. He was very clear about that, not to waste my life away on a silly idea.

What he said would not go away, that is why I stopped seeing my lady friend, she was a full time lesbian.

I started to try and meet guys, and through work I met this guy and let him take me out. I decided that I would 'like' him when the time came, he was a good guy, right age, right job, right person, so I would 'like' him if he wanted to like me like that.

I had a nice wedding, and I have a nice family with nice kids and a nice home and live a nice life, just like everyone else. I do not do any lesbian stuff anymore.

Every time I am in a group and see all these women with their husbands and their little kids and all I ask myself every time, 'is she a lesbian like me?' Sometimes I sit at the mall and look at the moms and ask how many of them are lesbians, there has to be many women like me that chose to leave the lesbian life and become normal human beings with families and everything.

But no one wears a label that says, yes I am a lesbian, but more importantly I am a wife and mother and I have a family to take care of.