In 1959 I had just turned 10 and lived in a foster home. Back then child abuse wasn't discussed compared to today when the subject is out in the open. I was 9 when I first moved in and over the first year I believe my foster father (Dean) slowly groomed and manipulted me. Both he and his wife Helen were always extremely good to me, especially Dean who would bring me small gifts weekly, treat me to the movie house or amusement park and take me for ice cream often. He litterly treated me like a queen taking me shoppping and buying almost anything I wanted. I lived in a beautiful home in a semi rural area and loved the school I went to. I had lived in other foster homes but this place was like heaven to me. Dean worked daytime but Helen was a nurse and worked mostly night work as I remember. That first year Dean initiated the secrets we wouldn't tell Helen about. It started with him giving me junk food that Helen wouldn't allow at times and letting me stay up late on school nights playing monopoly or other board games with me. After a few months other secrets arose such as me seeing him naked. He insisted at first it was accidental but also began seeing me naked and even fixing a bubble bath for me. As I sat in the tub he would get into the shower stall and I would watch him wash himself as we talked about everything. For the longest time I had no idea what masturbation was but saw him doing it several nights a week when Helen was at work. I suppose because he was so good to me I just became accustom to our nudity around each other and admit it never bothered me. I had never saw a naked man before and Dean asked me often if I liked seeing him that way which I honestly did. He had us hold hands one night and swear we would never tell anyone about anything first stressing the junk food along with other trivial things and then about the nudity. Once that was done we often played the board games right after my bath without getting dressed. Of course when Helen was home this never went on but it was our secret. The rest of that first year it just got to be a way of life. Dean masturbated often but never physically touched me. He regularly asked me if I wanted to see him naked and because I knew he liked to be I would say yes. Many times he would lay on the sofa having me look at his body and would touch himself telling me this is my penis, this is my scrotum and testicals and would even expose his anus to me. As he did this he would always get an erection and tell me what it was but again a secret. I believe at the time I was fascinated and rather than be afraid of him I actually enjoyed being alone with him.

Shortly after I turned 10 was the first time he used the word masturbation telling me he did it because it felt good to him, again stressing our secrets. He always masturbated in the shower up until that time and still would lay down naked on the sofa or his bed allowing me to look closely at his body. He would then expose his genitals and anus by opening his legs wide and turning on his hands and knees exposing himself from the rear. When he did this he also would ask me to undress which I willing did each time. Even at 10 I had no embarrassment being naked in front of him and he still had never touched me sexually. It got so repetitive he would simply ask if I would like to look at his body and I always said I would. I was so used to it by then he didn't have to ask me to undress I just did. Eventually he not only exposed himself to me fully but began asking if I would mind if he masturbated. I just watched as he put this lotion on his penis and begin to slowly get his penis hard. I remember being amazed when he would ejaculate at the amount of semen that came out of him. At the time I had never touched his genitals until one night he asked me just to rub with my fingers pointing to the area between his scrotum and anus. I did feel funny doing this but knew he liked me to. One night while he was masturbating he told me his scrotum was itchie and asked me to scratch it for him. As soon as I touched his scrotum he ejaculated and some of his semen went on my arm. He began to laugh and tell me he was sorry and it wouldn't hurt me but oddly I didn't mind and just laughed with him. After that night he began asking me if I might like holding his penis telling me that Helen did lots of times but our secret she did that. He just said things like as much as it felt good to masturbate it felt better to him when someone else did it. I had already touched his scrotum so the night he asked me to hold his penis I did without hesitation. As he got an erection he held my wrist moving my hand up and down his penis telling me to squeeze harder. After a sort time he let go of my wrist telling me I could do it without him holding my arm. As he ejaculated he just kept thanking me and telling me how good it felt and that I did it very well. After that first time I began masturbating him everytime. I enjoyed doing it for him simply because he was so good to me. He would just lay down and hand me the tube of lotion having me put it on his penis and scrotum and instructing me on how to satisfy him. He sometimes stood up for me to do it as I sat on a chair and other times would have me in back of him while he was bent over on his hands and knees.

As I got older the secret issue became more intense because by the time I was 12 Helen and Dean adopted me. It seemed like everyday Dean would mention the importance of our secrecy mainly about our nudity and masturbation. Even as I began to develop I still had no embarrassment about my nudity around him. I never told any of my friends or anyone about Dean and I and I had everything a girl that age could want for. Months earlier he told me how to masturbate myself and I began then to understand what sex really was. Not only Helen but more so Dean explained things to me aside from my discussions with other kids. I continued masturbating Dean several nights a week and today can't explain why I was never embarrassed letting him watch me masturbate. We didn't share the bathroom as much as before mainly because he wanted me to masturbate him all the time. As much as I know how wrong all this was I have never told anyone about it. Dean loved watching me masturbate and before I was even 13 introduced me to a vibrator that belonged to Helen. He always wanted me to masturbate first and then have me masturbate him. He actually told me how to use the vibrator and right from the start I would have multiple orgasms. As many times as I mastuirbated Dean he never masturbated me and never touched me sexually at any time. He often suggested ways for me to expose myself while masturbating telling me to fondle my breasts or open my legs wider but never assisted me in any way. I'm pretty sure it was a few months before my 14th birthday that he called me into the kitchen one night telling me we had to stop doing all of this. He wasn't crying but I could see he almost was and told me he was sorry for ever starting it. He told me none of it was my fault and said he really did love me and that we still have to keep this secret. If Helen or anyone found out it would be devastating to both of us. He made it clear to me that he could go to jail because of it and that he wanted me to have a normal relaionship with a guy some day. Even then as much as I knew what we were doing was wrong I never hesitated to masturbate him and never hesitated to have him watch me. After high school Helen and Dean paid for my college education and I was a nurse for the next 39 years. They paid for my wedding and Dean walked me down to my husband and I reamained close to them both until Dean died in 1992 and Helen died in 1997. I have 2 children and 4 grandchildren today and am married to a wonderful man. When I think about it all now I find it disgusting and as much as I know Dean was a p**ophile I still can't say I hate him for it. When it all stopped it completely stopped and from that day on he still treated me like a queen. I know Helen and Dean loved me and long ago I forgave Dean. While it was going on I have to admit I enjoyed it as irrational as that sounds. I doubt it ever affected my sex life in anyway even though I wouldn't wish anything like that on a young girl. I just learned to live with our secret and from the time I was 14 or so Dean and I never spoke of it again and got along together until his death.