I am a 46 yo married male. I have a wife, 2 children and on the surface seem quite normal. I guess I am but... When I was 12 or 13 I would do odd jobs to make some extra mone. One of my customers was a 52 year old guy. One day while waiting to get paid he had me come into his hous and had me sit in a small office off his hall. He asked if I ever saw things like this and he handed me some dirty magazines. Soon he was saying things like oh she has nice tits, or look at her ass....I was as hard as a kid could me. He slowly unbuckled my pants as he kept talking and begin to stroke my cock. He then stared to mention the guys, oh nice cock how about that one. Once I came he said " maybe next time I'll give you a blow job".

It didn't take long for next time as the very next day he invited mean again. He asked if I would like a blow job. I said ok and he told me to go upstairs to a bedroom, strip and read the magazines. He came up and went to the end of the bad and proceeded to lick my thighs working up to my very hard cock, taking my balls into his mout and really working them. He moved up to kiss me, I told I didn't like that and he went back to must cock. And finished me off. This went on like this for close to 4 years until he moved, or was caught and decided to leave town.

I am not advocating what he did. He was a p**odophile that apparently was well known as a citizen and well protected. He did cause harm a good friend of mine got messed up with drugs until a suicide ended his pain. He had lots of issues but I believe that was one.

And me? It has messed me up sexually. When I was 17 or so I began to wonder what it would be like to suck a cock. Living in Boston I found myself going to adult book stores. My first time I was in a booth of sorts when a man came in and stood behind me watching the porn on the screen. He soon was fondling my ass and a hand on my shoulder forced me down and spun me and there I was facing his large cock. He rubbed it on my lips and I opened my mouth and sucked the best I could. Soon I felt it get hard and then his cum hit the back of my throat. It was not a one time thing. The odd part is I am married and truthfully not gay- I have no urge to be with a man full time, but at times when I do it is always me on my knees. I like someone controlling me, perhaps it goes back to those years. When I was just used. I never sucked his or even seen it in all those years. But I find myself wanting to be used. I discovered phone sex and it is always either a dominant role, with name calling or a sub role with someone calling me names and making me beg for their cock.

I have been with a tranny or two and it is the same way. I don't like rough, but simply on my knees. My wife had discovered my phone sex issues and it was rough going for a while. Our sex life has virtually stopped, and I understand if she can't understand. I would talk to men or women, pretend about underage stuff, taboo stuff. It seems to all go back to that experience. I truly wish it hadn't happened but I am now what I am, a guy with a terrible secret and often tiresome burden. When I am done I feel guilty, and ashamed. But hearing the words get to your knees gets me hard. I'm in another part of Mass now and it is not as easy, but every once in a while....so if you are a M or F and would like to talk about it, a F to humiliate me about it, please feel free to email me...
Aj18091865@@ G***L.c*m. Make me get to my knees, or tell me how bad I am....