Let's just say this was not what I ever envisioned. Yes I was poor, but I was happy and I had my friends.

First off, I let a guy have sex with me and ejaculate in me and I got pregnant, totally unplanned and unwanted.

Once I was pregnant he became the man and took over my life. I was now totally overwhelmed and overpowered and I was living with a man pretending that I was going to be a loving wife and mother.

P.S., at this point I will say that I was totally into my pregnancy. I felt so overwhelmed by the experience and for the first time I felt totally feminine.

My baby's dad wanted me to surrender myself to him, mind body and soul.

I never refused him sex, not even when I was uncomfortably big.

The week before my baby was born he took me down to the courthouse and I married him.

One child was not enough and over the next seven years I had three more. Each time I had a baby I lost more and more of who I was. I became the mom of my kids and the wife of my husband and the girl scout lady that also helps with the PTA. I have lost my identity.

I am still the person inside when I first met him. I am an artist, not commercial but inside that is who I am. and I am sorry, I am totally a lesbian woman even if he hates me saying it. Because I have no ability to support myself and I have four kids I am a loving wife to him and I am a loving mother to my kids. This is not the life I had planned for myself, I never envisioned myself in this role. He is very harsh with me when I mention that my feelings are still there. I don't complain too much because he does not want to hear about it. I tried going to a support group but after three sessions I just went home and sat on the bed and cried. No one understands how I feel inside.

I have accepted that my life is no longer in my hands and I will live out my life as his wife and my children's mom. One day I hope to have grandchildren. That is who I am now. Ten years ago I crossed the line and my whole life changed. One moment I was one person and the next I was destined to become someone else. I think about that moment a lot, I don't even understand how it happened, it just did.