Bi-Sexual Male / 43
Disowned by my parents at 19 but I never gave up the others in the family.
My only sibling was 9 when I was born. As far back as I can remember he made sure I understood he did not like me and never would. Never in my entire life did either of my parents tell me they loved me. On my mom's death bed she said, "I'm sorry you are alone". I was just there and didn't need any reinforcement to being in the way. When I entered the 3rd grade my brother left for the military, which meant I might have some peace.
My dad was the oldest of 5 and the two sisters just younger than him married brothers. The oldest of the two had 2 girls and a son and he was 3 years older than me. Dad's younger sister had a daughter and a son and that son was 2 1/2 months older than men. We three male cousins were the closest in age, with David and Lenny sharing the same last name and "double-cousin" which entitled them to be "almost brothers. Living beside each other on the other side of town only tightened their bond, which was great. The three of us got alone great and enjoyed being together, especially for me, because they treated me as an equal. After my brother left for the military they would stay at our house a lot and that's when we began exploring sex with each other and a couple of circle jerks at their houses with some guys over there.
David the older cousin's father got transferred to a town in the next state so they moved. Lenny was alone and we did everything to spent time together. Lenny's dad ran off with another women abandoning Lenny, his sister and my aunt. Moving in with us, my aunt and her daughter shared me brothers room with Lenny becoming my room mate.
When the other relative came to town they took my room, the girls sleeping in the living room, and the 3 male cousins in a tent in the back yard. We liked it because David was older, in a big town and always had stories and porn to share. After a couple of years my aunt got a house 2 blocks away so she, her daughter and Lenny moved out. Since Lenny and I were in the same grade and school he would come to my house and we would walk to and from school together. So many times after class we would suck and 'corn hole' each other while we were alone. I got a blow job from a female at school and immediately asked her to "do Lenny" which she did.
Although Lenny and I, and David sucked and 'corn holed' each other we still had sex with females all through high school. When my brother would come home on leave the house was so full of tension as he had become a very angry man. His aggression issues got him discharged his 8th year in the military. The only time my parents every took up for me was when he attacked me and Lenny after being home a few days. I still think had I been his only victim I would have stayed hidden until the bruises healed or blamed it someone else. He got a job in the next state doing construction and was once again out of life.
I am not and never have manifested gay tendencies so no one would have suspected me, Lenny or David of being bi or gay. David and Lenny were both in the military and I was in my second year of college while living at home and working part time. I was dating this girl off and on when someone told her I was gay. Without confronting me, she went to my parents, while I was working one evening, and when I got home my clothes were packed at the front door, and every other item which I possessed. I walked in to a hallway full of boxes and a screaming mother and father. Mom pushed passed me grabbing a box walking out the door tossing it onto the lawn. My dad ushered me out the front door as he and mom moved my every boxed piece of clothing outside. Not one momentum, picture or even my high school diploma- which was later burnt with other pictures and sports trophies.
I live that event over and over in my mind having never been given the opportunity to deny or acknowledge the truth. I loaded my old car and left going to the only person I could think of - my dad's sister a few block away. She was home but would not open the door. I ended up at a gay guys house because I had no options. I took a day or two to wrap my head around the situation when I realized I was never wanted, and was always in the way so it was the excuse my religious zealot family needed to rid themselves of me - a second child they never wanted. Reliving that event is like witnessing a horrific accident - you never get over it, but you do not have to let it define you. Thanks to the sounds judgment and guidance of some gay men I was able to move forward. I had no choice but to drop out off college and seek full time employment. Relatives and people I have known my entire life would turn the other direction when they saw me.
The gay man who opened his home (no sex, just a true friend) called one of his friends on the west coast sharing my ordeal and he gave me an invitation to start anew, and I accepted. I celebrated my 20th birthday flying (had never flown) to a new town with strangers to begin a new life because I was exactly who and what God ordained me to be - a bisexual man. After a year I reached out to David and Lenny whose military addresses I knew but got no response. That hurt because we were all three bi men. I moved on going some 11 years with any communication with my parents or family. My gay friend back home called to tell me my brothers obituary was in the paper; survivors are his parents, wife and 3 children - I was not listed as a survivor. Eleven months later my father's obituary was in the paper but I was not listed as a survivor.
I completed my college, am an independent commercial mortgage broker living a happy and productive life. One day my secretary tells me there's a man in the front office with a badge asking for me. He was an off duty officer working as a private detective attempting to locate someone with my name from my home town. My mother's sibling had hired him to locate me as because my mom was terminal and need to talk with me. Three days later I walked into her hospice care room seeing her for the first time in 24 years. She said, "I am sorry your alone". I said, "I am not alone, mother. I am married to the same man I have lived with for 21 years. We have 2 adorable twin daughters and 2 sons. Our oldest son is in his first year at Harvard School of Law and his brother graduates Stanford this Spring and has been accepted at Harvard too." My mom turned so white I though she has died but she was shocked because I am not a lonely, screaming, sissy. I stayed 2 days where I received a decent reception from my mother's family. As I was preparing to walk through the airport gates returning home there was Lenny, and David. We embraced as they cried and apologized for abandoning me. David is on his 3rd marriage and Lenny is on his 2rd and both are miserable. At least they still have each other and no one is the wiser. Why? Because I did not give them up when I was a disowned. My mom passed away a few weeks later but I didn't return for the service even when I was listed as her only surviving child. Coming out is not easy - especially in the bible belt south.
My only sibling was 9 when I was born. As far back as I can remember he made sure I understood he did not like me and never would. Never in my entire life did either of my parents tell me they loved me. On my mom's death bed she said, "I'm sorry you are alone". I was just there and didn't need any reinforcement to being in the way. When I entered the 3rd grade my brother left for the military, which meant I might have some peace.
My dad was the oldest of 5 and the two sisters just younger than him married brothers. The oldest of the two had 2 girls and a son and he was 3 years older than me. Dad's younger sister had a daughter and a son and that son was 2 1/2 months older than men. We three male cousins were the closest in age, with David and Lenny sharing the same last name and "double-cousin" which entitled them to be "almost brothers. Living beside each other on the other side of town only tightened their bond, which was great. The three of us got alone great and enjoyed being together, especially for me, because they treated me as an equal. After my brother left for the military they would stay at our house a lot and that's when we began exploring sex with each other and a couple of circle jerks at their houses with some guys over there.
David the older cousin's father got transferred to a town in the next state so they moved. Lenny was alone and we did everything to spent time together. Lenny's dad ran off with another women abandoning Lenny, his sister and my aunt. Moving in with us, my aunt and her daughter shared me brothers room with Lenny becoming my room mate.
When the other relative came to town they took my room, the girls sleeping in the living room, and the 3 male cousins in a tent in the back yard. We liked it because David was older, in a big town and always had stories and porn to share. After a couple of years my aunt got a house 2 blocks away so she, her daughter and Lenny moved out. Since Lenny and I were in the same grade and school he would come to my house and we would walk to and from school together. So many times after class we would suck and 'corn hole' each other while we were alone. I got a blow job from a female at school and immediately asked her to "do Lenny" which she did.
Although Lenny and I, and David sucked and 'corn holed' each other we still had sex with females all through high school. When my brother would come home on leave the house was so full of tension as he had become a very angry man. His aggression issues got him discharged his 8th year in the military. The only time my parents every took up for me was when he attacked me and Lenny after being home a few days. I still think had I been his only victim I would have stayed hidden until the bruises healed or blamed it someone else. He got a job in the next state doing construction and was once again out of life.
I am not and never have manifested gay tendencies so no one would have suspected me, Lenny or David of being bi or gay. David and Lenny were both in the military and I was in my second year of college while living at home and working part time. I was dating this girl off and on when someone told her I was gay. Without confronting me, she went to my parents, while I was working one evening, and when I got home my clothes were packed at the front door, and every other item which I possessed. I walked in to a hallway full of boxes and a screaming mother and father. Mom pushed passed me grabbing a box walking out the door tossing it onto the lawn. My dad ushered me out the front door as he and mom moved my every boxed piece of clothing outside. Not one momentum, picture or even my high school diploma- which was later burnt with other pictures and sports trophies.
I live that event over and over in my mind having never been given the opportunity to deny or acknowledge the truth. I loaded my old car and left going to the only person I could think of - my dad's sister a few block away. She was home but would not open the door. I ended up at a gay guys house because I had no options. I took a day or two to wrap my head around the situation when I realized I was never wanted, and was always in the way so it was the excuse my religious zealot family needed to rid themselves of me - a second child they never wanted. Reliving that event is like witnessing a horrific accident - you never get over it, but you do not have to let it define you. Thanks to the sounds judgment and guidance of some gay men I was able to move forward. I had no choice but to drop out off college and seek full time employment. Relatives and people I have known my entire life would turn the other direction when they saw me.
The gay man who opened his home (no sex, just a true friend) called one of his friends on the west coast sharing my ordeal and he gave me an invitation to start anew, and I accepted. I celebrated my 20th birthday flying (had never flown) to a new town with strangers to begin a new life because I was exactly who and what God ordained me to be - a bisexual man. After a year I reached out to David and Lenny whose military addresses I knew but got no response. That hurt because we were all three bi men. I moved on going some 11 years with any communication with my parents or family. My gay friend back home called to tell me my brothers obituary was in the paper; survivors are his parents, wife and 3 children - I was not listed as a survivor. Eleven months later my father's obituary was in the paper but I was not listed as a survivor.
I completed my college, am an independent commercial mortgage broker living a happy and productive life. One day my secretary tells me there's a man in the front office with a badge asking for me. He was an off duty officer working as a private detective attempting to locate someone with my name from my home town. My mother's sibling had hired him to locate me as because my mom was terminal and need to talk with me. Three days later I walked into her hospice care room seeing her for the first time in 24 years. She said, "I am sorry your alone". I said, "I am not alone, mother. I am married to the same man I have lived with for 21 years. We have 2 adorable twin daughters and 2 sons. Our oldest son is in his first year at Harvard School of Law and his brother graduates Stanford this Spring and has been accepted at Harvard too." My mom turned so white I though she has died but she was shocked because I am not a lonely, screaming, sissy. I stayed 2 days where I received a decent reception from my mother's family. As I was preparing to walk through the airport gates returning home there was Lenny, and David. We embraced as they cried and apologized for abandoning me. David is on his 3rd marriage and Lenny is on his 2rd and both are miserable. At least they still have each other and no one is the wiser. Why? Because I did not give them up when I was a disowned. My mom passed away a few weeks later but I didn't return for the service even when I was listed as her only surviving child. Coming out is not easy - especially in the bible belt south.
