I DON'T CONSIDER it racism when americans think that the rate of teen pregnancy among young black and hispanic girls is a burden on society if she's not prepared financially or mentally,the true is many [and i'm one] don't consider the consequences of pregnancy and it's toll on family and society and welfare is usually the only option when the father of our child is irresponsable and we are both uneducated...though we are living at poverty levels the city and state provides financial aid for schools and community colleges so that we have a fighting chance to break the cycle of poverty and dependency on the government.we are taught sex education in school and are constantly advised at home of these issues yet we continue the cycle as if blind to it all,the first time i had sex it was with a black boy i hardly knew when he was 17 and i was 12...him and his friends would hang out in our all girls school here in the city and one of my friends introduced us,several days later he would take my virginity in his mothers apartment where we made it a habit to close the door in his bedroom and have sex daily.i was often late getting home and it was my older brother who showed up at my boyfriends house with warnings that if he ever found me up there again my boyfriend and his family were going to be shot and their apartment burned down with all of them in it.my brother wasn't a member but he knew the latin kings in our neighborhood and he always carried a gun,i wasn't in love with the black guy and his mother didn't want me going up there because i was way too young and could get everyone in trouble with the police [her older son sold drugs and kept it in his room] so i never went back...it was several days later that i began feeling an itch in my vagina and went to see the doctor,they confirmed i had genital herpes which is incurable and my mother said it was gods karma as punishment for what i had been doing.let's just say that the black boy and his family had to move from the neighborhood for their own safety though i was to blame as well.right before turning 13 years old i met mr.evans who owned a second hand thrift shop near where i lived and though he was 53 years old i didn't mind how he often flirted with me...it wasn't often i was permitted to go outdoors since the incident with my ex-boyfriend and the true was i miss having sex though i had herpes.the simple urge to have sex with someone led to some regret when one day mr.evans closed the door to his shop and took me behind the cashiers counter,though i didn't struggle too much it really did hurt to have sex with him due to his above average endowment...when fully erect his was 9 inches and it's thickness when pushed into a magnum size condom felt like iron steel being shoved up my vagina,though he was gentle and encouraged me to just relax i cried and moaned in pain when he slowly eased it's full length up inside me.mr.evans certainly wasn't in any hurry often taking the time every few minutes to re-lubricate my sore pussy with k-y petroleum jelly he kept near a stack of national geographics.he managed to get it's full length up in me twice during that long hour in his thrift shop though at some point he unexpectedly grunted having achieved his orgasm,the contents of his male semen spilled onto the floor when he removed his condom as i lay facedown on his counter exhausted and sore...at school i would confide in my best friend millie who had never had sex with a black man that i couldn't concentrate on my studies because it hurt to sit or walk during class,she obviously wanted to know if i had any intention to go back and see mr.evans but the true is i felt too young sexually to be with this man so i avoided going by his store.naturally my attraction to black men should have ended with those experiences but my then boyfriend who was mexican like me compelled me to be unfaithful because quite honestly he didn't measure up to black men,my family was against interracial relationships and even puerto rican men were considered bastards though it was strange how my grandmother wouldn't mind if i dated a wealthy white american especially the ones who lived in castle hill or woodlawn avenue where singer/actress jennifer lopez grew up...my then boyfriend who was 21 years old only measured at 5 inches though quite thick only helped to remind me how much better mr.evans was despite the sexual pain. when i tried to break our relationship naturally as the majority of mexican men he tried to dominate and threaten me failing to understand that this isn't fucking mexico where mexican laws allow that shit so i had my brother and his friends pay him a visit and of course a knife to his throat and a gun to his head pretty much stopped the bullshit...as they say when in america live by american standards.though i often thought of mr.evans in my neighborhood there are hundreds of black men that love interracial sex with young girls like mr.edmondson who always sold stolen merchandise from the nearby stores,we'd go to his rented furnish room not too far from where i lived and though he measured at 8 inches it's thickness was a bit less than mr.evans...he'd get it up inside me even when i wasn't ready like one time i was in the bathroom he shares with two other tenants taking a bath when he came in fully erect and shoved it up my ass taking advantage that i was lubricated with soap and water.the landlady having heard my screams of sexual pain came upstairs to knock on the door and though he told her to mind her business she threaten to call the police...it is safe to say i never went back.today i'm currently involved with a married black man who is my daughters father and i have a son by another man who is also black,i get welfare and live in a rundown housing project because they both refuse to pay child support and i don't have an educational background...millie committed suicide [though no one knows why] and mr.evans sold his business,i'm also receiving medicaid to pay the cost of my herpes treatment and though i still live in the south bronx i don't date black men anymore a lesson i learned far too late...truth story THE END