Living the plural life.

Ten years ago I found myself sitting across the table from the 'other woman'. She was younger than me, by 10 years, pretty in her own way, and very ashamed. She could not make eye contact with me. I was angry, angry not hurt. My husband had told me about her, and that he wasn't going to leave her. It wasn't just the sex, he had become attached to her and felt responsible for her. He didn't give me an ultimatum, but it felt like an ultimatum. So there I was across from her confronting her.

I asked her 'why?' why was she involved with a married man? It was a nowhere street, was it the sex? I wanted to know if she was doing it for the sex, it would have made me feel better. But no, she wouldn't admit to that, she said something else, she said she was in love with him and she just couldn't break away, that maybe I could understand. That is why I was there that afternoon, because I loved him and I couldn't break away, even if he had another woman in his life. I was fighting to stay with my man. That sunk in, hard but it sunk in. She was in love with him, I could see that, actually I already knew that, I knew she loved him and I knew he loved her too.

Silence followed, until I reached across the table and took her hand in mine and I told her I loved him too and were both fools for loving the same man. I didn't let go of her hand, I twisted her fingers in mine, I held her hand tight, I would not let her hand go, I said to her that if she loved him to love him with all her heart because I loved him with all my heart. She cried and then I cried, and we held hands.

When we left the restaurant, we hugged deeply and I held her close to me, she was hurting and she needed to be comforted and I held her tight to me, I told her that she was lucky because she had found a man to love that loved her back and that if life had told us to love the same man, then we would love him together.

After that, we did things together, girl things, shopping, talking, giving our souls to each other. We spent time together, and she got to know my kids and they knew she as their daddy's girlfriend and that their daddy and me wanted them to know her and love her, she was part of 'our' family. We shared the Holidays together, and she and I each sat at his side, across the table from each other and we prayed together. During our Holiday prayer, we looked into each other's eyes, I can't ever forget that moment, as we prayed for our family and we prayed for all that was right, and we held hands and prayed for each other and I asked God to accept her into my heart.

For these ten years we have shared our lives together, we live together and we have added to our family. We have grown close, closer than I am with any other human being. She is my soul mate, my fulfilling half, I can't imagine today how empty my life was before she came into our home and our family. We share a deep devotion to our husband and to our family and to each other.

I have learned that where we find love is not always in the conventional way. Love is around us, if we open our hearts to it. For me, when she joined our family, my relationship with my husband grew like it had never grown before, on all fronts. For her joining our family took away shame and gave her light to blossom and to become the wonderful woman she is and a wonderful mother. I believe we were destined to become one with each other, in our home we two are 'one' woman, 'one' wife, 'one' mother.

We are celebrating our ten year 'anniversary' together.