I feel that I have an emotionally and sexually lazy wife. My wife and I have been married for one year. We've known each other for three. So you can fully understand where I am coming from, let me explain what life was like before and after our marriage.

We met online through a dating website. The beginning of our relationship was normal, but fairly early on we both got the sense that we were meant for each other. We spent hours on the phone together, stared into each other's eyes ... You know, that whole new relationship excitement.

After a few months, we became sexually active. And she really blew my mind (among other things). The sex was absolutely amazing. And not just that, but she seemed to have a really high libido. She would constantly be the one initiating; even if it meant doing it in the car in an empty parking lot. She always wanted me, and she always wanted to impress me, whether it was showing off how she could deepthroat me, or bringing me to multiple orgasms at a time. She would tell me candidly about her what she liked in bed, her favorite toys, what she wanted me to do to her later. Things that would drive a man crazy.

Now, in hindsight, part of me suspects that she did and said these things to help "convince" me to marry her.

We started talking about marriage. She would talk about how great married life will be, that we would be able to sleep together every night. She even made it a point to say she would "take care of her baby" every day.

After we got engaged, things started to subtly change. Not big red flags, but things that would get my attention. At this point I thought it was just the stress of planning a wedding. When we were first sexually active, she was very aggressive in bed. She put out in a major way. Sex tended to be more dominate, which was a major turn on for me. She would describe her favorite dildos, sext pictures of herself in lingerie, even use some light bondage play. She was always pushing the kinky envelope, and I was looking forward to a lifetime of adventurous, explorative sex.

However, a while after the engagement she told me that she had thrown her dildos away. She stopped wearing lingerie, and the sex gradually became more vanilla. Again, I attributed this to the stress. I tried to reintroduce the kinky side back into our sex life, but it was like this new level of commitment lowered her level of comfort with me. She then brought up the idea that we should abstain from sex until marriage, which I agreed with. I wanted it to be special ... And I was under the impression that she felt that way too.

Fast forward to the honeymoon. You can imagine my excitement, right? Well, it didn't turn out like I had thought. We went on a cruise, and due to seasickness, she wasn't feeling good. we took it easy on the sex. I figured that once we got home, everything would be perfect. We'd settle into our newly wed routine of sex every night. Right?

Wrong. And of course, I expected this on a smaller level. You always hear about how marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. I knew her promise of having sex every night wouldn't be a full reality. But things just stopped. And I mean, cold turkey. Our sex life never fully resumed. And not just our sex life; she didn't put any effort into our relationship. I got the classic bait and switch.

I am very conflicted about this. I do feel that she is, on some theoretical level, invested. She does love me. I can see it when I say I love you, or when I do something nice. The thing is, I picked up all of the slack. Im the provider. I'm the one who cooks, cleans, surprises, take care of, etc. I invite her on dates, I say the I love yous, I give the backrubs. She appreciates these things, but she never starts it. She never takes the initiative to show me love in any form. I feel it's because she feels "safe" ... Knowing that I'm very committed and I see marriage as a lifelong promise.

And the sex, when we have it, is good ... For her. It's very vanilla, and whenever she feels like she's not getting off (meaning, not in her favorite "cowgirl" position), she gets mood-wreckingly frustrated. I always let her go first - I never want to be that guy that finishes quickly then falls asleep. Never have. The weird thing is I feel like my wife has turned into "that guy." Sometimes, she'll orgasm and drift off to sleep. If I try to touch her she pushes me away, saying "don't touch me! Sensitive." And I know she's not faking it; she really is in a better mood for the next day or so. But there's not really much of a thought for me.

I miss the days when she was hungry for sex. She used to come on me, then climb down and lick her juices off of me, and she would love it. She would randomly wake me up with a blowjob, or come home from work, drop everything, and deepthroat me. Now, those things would gross her out.

Sex is a big part of this, but our problem is more emotionally rooted than that. I feel like she isn't attracted to me anymore. Like I'm not wanted by my wife. At least, to the level that she's not motivated to try anymore. And I'm in The same shape that I've always been in.

She has retreated emotionally as well. I don't think it's quite an emotional disconnect, but I feel as our level of commitment has increased, our relationship became a lower priority. Until, now that we are married, I am literally the lowest priority in her life.

So, for the better part of the year I just pushed on, pretending like I didn't mind, working hard to make her feel loved; because maybe if I try hard enough, she'll treat me like she did before we were married. I can't tell you how many steak candlelight dinners I've made for her. I've tried everything in the book, all under the pretense that I love her so much, when really, I just wanted to feel loved again.

After a while, things began to boil up. I was getting sexually frustrated, emotionally frustrated. We had a few discussions about how I felt. She would agree with me, saying that she knew she wasn't showing her love to me; which always ended with her in tears, saying "I'm just not as good at this like you are!" Thing is, she was before we married.

Lately, things have started to take a turn for the worse. Here are some examples:

My birthday is coming up in a month. She told me last month that she probably won't be able to celebrate it with me because she's too busy. When she wrote out the calendar for the month she didn't even write anything on that day, besides her work notes.

We recently moved into a roommate situation. The day we moved, she told me that we wouldn't be able to have sex because other people would be living in the house. It would be "too awkward." Our sex life at this point was on a once a month basis.

I've tried giving her some space, even though we hardly spend time together. I serve her dinner alone, and I leave her alone when she's off. I do it for opposing reasons; maybe if she feels like I'm withdrawing emotionally it would spur her into action. But also ... I'm angry with her. Before everything I would have said that I would do anything for my wife. And I would. I do. But I just didn't expect for my wife to not emotionally respond to me in a meaningful way. It drains a man in a way few things can.

So, I have a few theories as to why this is happening. The most scary to me is her promiscuous past. From what I know, she was on the party scene and was sexually active, with on and off relationships, one night stands, even some threesomes. She talks now like those days were dark and over ... But she's told me before that she never has had a relationship longer than a year. I'm afraid that she can't handle the monogamy, no matter how well I treat her. But, I made a commitment to trust her as my wife, so unless I see proof of actual infidelity, I try to stay away from that theory.

She may also just be a lazy and selfish person. I fill her needs, and since I'm committed for life, she has no need to fill mine.

Anyways, thoughts? Advice? Thanks for reading.